The guy i can never have

It was 2002 and i was in year 4. My mother worked in my school in a class with children who needed help. There were a few teachers in the class to help the children.The boss was called....Katie. Her eldest son was in year 6. My mother joined the school and they became close friends. we would go down their house and things on weekends and holidays.  I didn't understand what it was i was feeling then because i was only 8 I'd get butterflies when ever i was around him and I'd never be able to look at him without grinning like an idiot even if i was mad at him. Which i hardly ever was, because he's got to be the most descant and kind guy I have ever met. I also used to love dogs. He had two spaniels. He used to take them for walks and ask if i wanted to go with him. We'd walk around the block a few times talking abut nothing in particular and all the time we'd both be smiling. This one time when we went, i think it was the Easter holidays. We were walking around the block and he held my hand. It sent chills down my back and i probably went as red as a cherry but still. I was happy, he asked me to be his girlfriend and i said yeah. We'd see each other in passing in school and he'd always hug me and say hello. He even got a row for trying to sit by me in assembly. But then he went off to comprehensive. I didn't see him for months on end and we drifted apart. He had girlfriends and i had boyfriends. None of them making me feel the way he made me feel.When ever i did see him it was always the same awkward tension. There was still chemistry even though we both tried to ignore it. He moved but we still went up to their house on holidays. Every time I'd see him we'd both smile and I'd still get that butterfly feeling. It's 2009 now and I still like him. I've accepted the fact we may never be together but i can't get rid of my feelings. Last year we went to a show with his family. He's 18 now and talks to my brother. I still have moments when we make eye contact were i think to myself maybe he does feel the same way. We were at the show and i was talking to his brothers and some of their friends. They're only about a year or two younger than me. We were asking each other questions and he asked me whether I'd ever liked ...Dean. They'd answered honestly  i had to. I told them yes and they all chatted about that for a bit. Someone asked one of the brothers whether they'd liked a girl that was their and he said yes but if I told Dean, he'd tell him that I've liked him. Some how during the night, Dean found out about his brother liking some girl so Ben told his brother that he knew something about me and Dean. He didn't tell him but his brother was curious. I was looking out the window outside the room and he walked out and stood beside me (The older brother) he was silent for a while before he asked what it was Ben was talking about. He had a smile on his face so im sure he already knew. I told him he wouldn't remember because it was years ago. He kept looking at me and smiling telling me he probably would remember. I don't think i ended up telling him but i knew he knew what i was talking about. Even know there's definitely something between us. I try not to make eye contact with him as much as possible , i guess im scared of my feelings towards him. When ever he touches me, just walks past me it's like an electric shock. But i can never be with him. I watch as he hugs his girl friends and i act like it's OK. But it's not. Sometimes he seems to act nervous around me and I notice he glances quickly up at me when he thinks I'm not looking. I used to think it didn't matter, we'd be together in the end because he was my sole mate. I'll get on with my life, go out with people but he's always going to be the one. My first true love.