My life lesson from one relationship

The spring of 2005 i met a boy everyone called E.A [initials] we spent everyday and night together, we got along perfectly my family loved him, his family loved me in the beginning everything was perfect. I thought he was amazing, I've always been a sucker for the old fashion type guys, where they open your car door and pull out your chair and all that kinda stuff and i haven't met a lot of guys like that but he was one of few. for the first...I'd say 6-8 months things were great, at least i thought then on our one year anniversary he was no where to be found. I was so upset I didn't even try to call him. The next day he showed up at my house around nine in the morning with roses and a ring, he handed them to me and i just glared at him. By this time the excitement of a "new relationship" was gone so his true person had came out, no more nice guy just a all out jerk. So when he handed them to me and he didn't get a hug or a thank you just a glare he decided to smack me, I fell into the door and he just walked past me went in my house and made himself comfortable. I got up and walked in crying, it was the first time he had ever done anything like that. That wasn't the first sign to leave him but it was the biggest reason to leave. But i was dumb, I was like many of the girls i knew, i catered to everything he wanted treated him like gold. And i still dont know why. Everybody knew about us and we both put on a act for everybody and wouldn't show people how things really were. I never asked where he was on our anniversary I knew it would be a lie anyways. Then a few weeks later i started noticing how him and my best friend acted towards each other I had always suspected something but I just didn't want to believe it. I found out a few weeks later on our one year he spent the day with my best friend and he had been cheating on me with her for queit awhile. I stupidly took him back. We ended up being together for 2 years and 10 months. Within that time he had cheated on me with every single one of my "so called" friends, beat me, controlled everything about me. But i let him do it i never told anybody just faked a smile and let things go. And i was to scared of him to say anything. Finally 4 days before we broke up he told me to come over when i got off work, I got off early and went over there, I walked in to find him and some girl i had never seen naked in bed with each other. I started screaming at him saying everything i had ever thought, best and worst thing i have ever done. The girl left in the mix of everything and he started pushing me and yelling then he hit me i woke up a day later in critical care. The only one that was by my side was my mom, my brothers and sisters had been there but my mom sent them home, the doctors didn't think i was gonna make it and my younger sister couldn't handle it so my mom sent everybody home to watch after her.I woke up with 27 stiches in my head 4 stiches along my eye brow and 3 broken ribs and a concusion. My mom was so upset and thats my biggest regret , not telling her before it was almost to late. When i finally got released I went home and explained everything we decided not to let peolple know i was home because he would try to come back . cops came and asked if i wanted to press charges, i said no because i was to scared. My brothers went over and told him not to show up again and not to even look at me . He didn't listen he came over when no one was home and told me if i tell anyone or decide to quit talking to him he'd kill me. I told my oldest brother about this and he went over there he still has never told me what was said but whatever it was, worked. I still see him every now and then and i will never understand why i put up with him. I haven't seen him in about 3 months at all. I hear hes in and out of lock up heavy on drugs and i guess he goes to donate blood 2 times a week for money. Its crazy how a person can not only control what you do but also how you think. For some odd reason I thought i was in love. How you confuse love and hell is beyond me but I did it. I sit and wonder how my life would be if i would have stuck with him, but all honesty i most likely wouldnt have lived to tell. It's amazing how the person of your dreams, so perfect in everyway can turn into everything you hate and at the same time make you feel like your in love. This relationship taught me a lot but the biggest thing it taught me was never ignore things because the longer they go unoticed the worse they will get. And to never settle for less. 

Every now and then i fall apart

It started off with a boy...he was my sisters friend, and she used to go on and on about the immature and stupid things hes said. I never really knew him until one day, in the summer time. We started talking a lot and got to know each other he had a girlfriend but always told me he liked me and asked me to hangout with him, i knew what i was doing wasn't that great. The two of them broke up and we started going out in October 10, 2008. Oh yeah, i forget to tell you. I'm 13 hes 16, not a big deal to me. To my sister? HUGE...you have to know her, shes an over-dramatic drama queen sister. When shes mad, you don't want to be there. We chose to keep it a secret but this is where you're about to get confused. He dumped me after four days then actually begged me to go back out with him and when i did he cheated on me. He was the boy who had my heart, and didn't have any potential to care. Hes the one who gave me my first heartache and ruined my grade eight year.............I gave up a lot for him and still managed to give him more and more chances, how many? i gave him 5 after that. Yes, 5 breakups and makeups. He was just in the middle of trying to get me back again, and i was just in the middle of giving in again except- i found out he cheated on me again this time it was worse much worse...l won't even explain what he said but i was furious i told him never ever to talk to me and blocked and deleted him hoping i would never EVER have to see him again. I went out with his cousin...just after that, i was lonely and hurt i didn't really  know what i was doing i just wanted to feel like someone actually cared. and his cousin, did. He managed to ruin our relation ship and tell my sister now my sister thinks I'm huge whore and constantly yells at me shes embarrassed of me. Do you know how bad that feels? To not be able to go to your own sister or mom. It sucks. 100% sucks. This doesn't seem like much but I've lost so much trying to be with him and now hes trying to get me back again, I'm not sure whether to give in or let go. If i gave in I'd be happy but still have the constant worry hes going to cheat or lie-bottom line, i wouldn't trust him. But if i let go, i'll lose him for good? right. and im not sure if im ready for that just yet. I just need help to find my way and im scared. If you guys have any idea...please just tell me, oh and my sister did find out about us eventually. and she hates me and him for it. she read out conversation history and made a huge deal. went on my msn blocked and deleted him and off my facebook. anyways just leave a comment on how i can solve this cause i dont know anymore...

Did he really ever love me

Hi i am Zoe. i met a guy when i was 19 years old but i thought all the time to myself do you really love me it turned out that the answer to that was NO i was heart broken to find out that he had been sleeping with this other girl that he worked with i moved as far away from him as i could but he followed me every were and kept asking me to take him back but the broke my heart and one day when i was in a shop i saw him he came up to me and asked me to marry him i did not know what to say so i told him that i would think about it he kept ringing me looking for the answer but i just kept telling him that i was still thinking it was nearly 7 months before i got back to him but when i got to his house his mum answered the door it looked as if she had been crying her eyes out she told me that he died of Cancer two weeks earlier i was heart broken and every night i cry myself to sleep i still wish that i could have talked to him.

Painful One-Sided Love

Before I tell you my love story, first I have to tell you a fact about my religion. It is said that if you married someone with the same last name as yours, no matter if your related or not, as long as your last names are the same it would be considered as taboo. I knew that and yet I wasn't able to control my feelings when I fell in love with him. It was really hard because I believed that we'll never be able to be together or he will never accept me since we had the same last names. One of his his best friend confesses his love towards me and I refused just because I have already fallen in love with his closes friend. It was a coincidence when he and I both signed up for a field trip and ended up sitting side by side. To me it was a dream come true, we talked and little did I know I was fallen in love deeper with him. Somehow all of a sudden he confesses to me that he too have fallen for me, this just seemed all to have been a dream too real to be true. But it was reality and as time passes our relationship grew stronger. I was aware that our relationship wasn't going to last long so I tried my best to do everything I could before it was too late. On end of the day of a friend's farewell party he told me that it wasn't right for us to continue anymore. At first no tears came but as he walked away from me, my eyes was streaming with many tears that he wasn't able to see any of it at all. Until now I learned that he probably never loved me yet I didn't regret dating him because I didn't want all those memories that we both shared to be painful memories being kept. Still I'm not ready to have him around me acting as if we don't know each other, so I have decided to run away as far as I can to see if those feelings will disappear. Maybe they won't but at least, I gave it a try, it won't be a pain to try without not trying at all. I'll cry beneath the moon the stars but never will you see my tears at all. A part of me is gone now my only option is to search for my other half again.

Wasting My Time

I've never had the best luck with love. I thought I fell in love when I was 13, he was funny and sweet and, just my luck, the most wanted guy in school. I braved my shyness and told him how I felt. After that everything changed. We went from being friends to avoiding each other, his friends would whisper and laugh whenever I walked by and I truly felt crushed. It took me a year to get over him.

But he's not who this story is about, that's just an example of the kind of crap I have to put up with when it comes to feelings. There have been more than just him, but he was the worst, and now I am scared it will happen again...

The year started and we have the new people, same old same old, but as we're sitting waiting for the role to be called I see him walk in. At first it was just "Wow he is cute", then I got to know him a little bit more. While he's not the exact definition of Prince Charming, with the flaws that everyone is entitled to, he was close enough to what I had always thought of as my dream guy. The playful eyes, that gorgeous smile and contagious laugh. I found out that I couldn't be sad when I was around him.

Another strange thing I found out, was that I could talk to him, which is a huge thing for me. I have never been able to talk to boys, never had that many guy friends, but that first time I talked to to him I didn't even stutter. I still have my ditzy moments when he catches me off guard and I have no clue how to respond, it's very rare that the guy is the one who starts the conversation to me, but he would always just laugh and then keep the conversation going.

I watch him with all the other girls, and I realised we're not as great friends as I had first thought. He hugs them and punches them in the arm, and once again I realised that I'm just that weird girl he doesn't mind to have a conversation with but isn't even bothered with being great friends with.

I couldn't stop liking him though, as much as I tried. I used to feel confident and happy around him, but then I became self conscious, wondering what I was doing wrong to be treated differently from those other girls.

It got worse. I hadn't told anyone, not even my best friends, but as we were walking home from school I thought maybe I would tell one of them. She beat me to it though... She told me how cute he was and how funny and how much she liked him, almost in the same words I was about to use. I was worried, I won't lie, she is everything I'm not. She has the curves and the beautiful smile, the long blonde hair and the cute giggle. She had the looks every guy wants, and on top of that she had the personality as well. She's confident but modest, competitive but playful, and she could keep a conversation going.

I chose to tell her anyway that I knew exactly how she felt. We realised we were in a bit of a dilemma, both of us liking the same guy, but we agreed that if he ever happened to like the other we wouldn't stop it from happening. Even though she told me she was worried herself that I would have a better chance of him liking me than her, I still knew the chances of him liking me out of anyone was slim.

Another thing we had in common with this unlucky crush was that he didn't treat her like the other girls either. The only difference was that I was sure he wasn't treating her like them because he was shy and liked her, I was still just the other girl he didn't know as well as others.

Me and my friend still have bet currently going. She says that he would choose me, I say that he would choose her. Though just recently it was discovered that almost half the population of our female class has the same crush on him. Just like the last one I liked.

Something made me feel better though was that he has begun to treat me like the other girls. He jokes with me, he punched me in the arm. I even get hugs from him now, even though he's not the one who asks for them (like he does with other girls), he still doesn't complain and smiles when he gives them to me. Sometimes I thought I would catch him looking at me and my heart would soar, thinking maybe it was possible he could think of me the way I think of him.

I still see him with my friend though, and he still treats her differently, but differently from the different he treated me. When he hugs her, he squeezes her, when she talks to him he stares at her, when we're at the beach he races her in the waves and then waits for her to catch up.

I know I should be happy for my friend that she's lucky enough that he likes her, which I'm almost sure he does, but I can't help but have that little bit of me that hates her for it. Even though we agreed that we wouldn't get in the way if he likes the other, I know that if she does end up with him it's going to torture me the entire time.

I've tried for a while to let him go and accept I don't have a chance and that all we can and will ever be is friends, but there's still that little dreamer part of me who sees him choosing me some day. When I'm with him now I am still happy, but as soon as we part I feel like crying. No, not because I'm sappy and don't want him to leave, but because I know how that's how it will always end with us. He will walk away with the occasional hug, not knowing how he makes me feel, and me knowing that if he ever knew history would repeat itself and I wouldn't only lose him to my friend, but also lose him as a dear friend.

I still like him and fear that I'm even falling for him. I'm scared because I know that if I fall I will be down for a long time, and while I've fallen I will be trampled all over and it will hurt more than anyone else.

The guy i can never have

It was 2002 and i was in year 4. My mother worked in my school in a class with children who needed help. There were a few teachers in the class to help the children.The boss was called....Katie. Her eldest son was in year 6. My mother joined the school and they became close friends. we would go down their house and things on weekends and holidays.  I didn't understand what it was i was feeling then because i was only 8 I'd get butterflies when ever i was around him and I'd never be able to look at him without grinning like an idiot even if i was mad at him. Which i hardly ever was, because he's got to be the most descant and kind guy I have ever met. I also used to love dogs. He had two spaniels. He used to take them for walks and ask if i wanted to go with him. We'd walk around the block a few times talking abut nothing in particular and all the time we'd both be smiling. This one time when we went, i think it was the Easter holidays. We were walking around the block and he held my hand. It sent chills down my back and i probably went as red as a cherry but still. I was happy, he asked me to be his girlfriend and i said yeah. We'd see each other in passing in school and he'd always hug me and say hello. He even got a row for trying to sit by me in assembly. But then he went off to comprehensive. I didn't see him for months on end and we drifted apart. He had girlfriends and i had boyfriends. None of them making me feel the way he made me feel.When ever i did see him it was always the same awkward tension. There was still chemistry even though we both tried to ignore it. He moved but we still went up to their house on holidays. Every time I'd see him we'd both smile and I'd still get that butterfly feeling. It's 2009 now and I still like him. I've accepted the fact we may never be together but i can't get rid of my feelings. Last year we went to a show with his family. He's 18 now and talks to my brother. I still have moments when we make eye contact were i think to myself maybe he does feel the same way. We were at the show and i was talking to his brothers and some of their friends. They're only about a year or two younger than me. We were asking each other questions and he asked me whether I'd ever liked ...Dean. They'd answered honestly  i had to. I told them yes and they all chatted about that for a bit. Someone asked one of the brothers whether they'd liked a girl that was their and he said yes but if I told Dean, he'd tell him that I've liked him. Some how during the night, Dean found out about his brother liking some girl so Ben told his brother that he knew something about me and Dean. He didn't tell him but his brother was curious. I was looking out the window outside the room and he walked out and stood beside me (The older brother) he was silent for a while before he asked what it was Ben was talking about. He had a smile on his face so im sure he already knew. I told him he wouldn't remember because it was years ago. He kept looking at me and smiling telling me he probably would remember. I don't think i ended up telling him but i knew he knew what i was talking about. Even know there's definitely something between us. I try not to make eye contact with him as much as possible , i guess im scared of my feelings towards him. When ever he touches me, just walks past me it's like an electric shock. But i can never be with him. I watch as he hugs his girl friends and i act like it's OK. But it's not. Sometimes he seems to act nervous around me and I notice he glances quickly up at me when he thinks I'm not looking. I used to think it didn't matter, we'd be together in the end because he was my sole mate. I'll get on with my life, go out with people but he's always going to be the one. My first true love. 

Nice Guys Finish Last

I was married for 2.5 years, to someone I was with for 3 years before that. I was a caring husband and she was a a good wife, until she cheated on me. Unfortunately I was never able to get past the cheating. I thought I did at the time, but she became critical of me for no reason, started blaming me for stuff, and basically framing me as a bad guy in order to justify her shitty behavior. All this made me bring up her cheating, and as a result she said she was working to be a better wife but she was continuing her ways. By the fifth time she cheated on me I kicked her out, it's been a very slow process of healing for me. The only thing I can say from my experience is that no matter what a couple might say or do after a cheating incident, the relationship is never the same.

I think about that age-old question, "if you were able to cheat on your spouse and they would never know about it, would you do it?"...Truth is to me this question is a no-brainer. Some people think that because the other person wouldn't know about it means it would be ok. But in reality, YOU know about it, and as much as you might not think it, if ever you cheat on your spouse, you've permanently changed the relationship whether it's out in the open or not. You might think you can hide something from your significant other, but you can't hide stuff from yourself. And ultimately that knowledge will make you act differently, which will make your spouse act differently, which will eventually lead to a breakdown in communication and loss of trust. Whatever you had will be gone the second you betray your love, even if they never find out. 

Best Friends

It all started last April, when my friend introduced me to this guy that liked her very much. My friend didn't feel the same way, and I didn't understand why. He was good-looking, funny, nice. He was everything. I would see him everyday after school with my friend. We started to talk, little by little, and by the end of May, we would be on the phone everyday for about 2 hours or more. We became great friends, and I did start to feel something, but I immediately pushed the feelings away, because he was a year older and he liked my friend. I knew nothing would ever come out of it. 

In mid-July, he went to Florida for vacation, and he would be back two days before my birthday. But he never came back. His dad lives in Florida, and he said that he just wanted to stay there for a little bit. He missed my birthday, didn't even call me on that day. He would call me at least once a week from Florida, but it would be weird. He kept explaining that he would be back in December, but he never came.

One day in January, he called me and said he was back. I called his friend to ask if it was true...and it was. He came to my school one day after school, and I was so excited to see him. I haven't seen him for 6 months, and I didn't even deny the fact that my feelings for him were strong, but I kept quiet. We started talking again everyday for hours, and he would jokingly tell me he liked me. I pretended to laugh but inside I wish he meant it. But one day, he did mean it. It took me a while to take him seriously, but finally I did.

He was the sweetest thing, the best thing that has ever happened. I was something I haven't been in a long time...I was happy. My dad died last year, and ever since there's been a hole in my heart, but with him, my heart felt full again. He said we were forever, that he's never felt this way about anyone. He even talked about marrying me. He said he never, ever, ever wanted to lose me. I tried not to fall too hard for him, because I always heard stories about guys who talked like that, but ended badly. But I thought we were different, I thought we were strong. I believed we would be forever. 

Long story short...I was just another stupid girl who fell for the forever line.

Our Story

Just another normal day. I woke up, went to school, did homework, went home, cooked for my sister, went online. And ugh, that bitch at school. I remember when we were best friends. But she ruined it just because her boyfriend had a crush on me. One thing different - I had a friend request from one of the hottest guys in school! Who wouldn`t accept?! I talked to him. We talked and talked about the most random things. He`s actually a pretty nice guy. At school the next day, I saw him. I smiled at him and couldn`t help but blush… Wait.. Blush?! That`s so unlike me. What was wrong with me? Maybe it was just too hot. Yet again… When is it ever hot here?

Halloween! I stayed out almost the whole night. When I got home, guess who`s online? We talked for a while and unexpectedly, he asked me out. I was shocked, surprised, confused, is it really him? He`s hot! Of course I said yes! After I said yes, I thought to myself, “oh no..” I completely forgot that biatch`s best friend has a crush on him. That will cause more problems considering she went out with my crush last year…

Yeup.. I was right.. But spit on my locker?! That`s just low! When I got home to talk to him, he seemed worried. I guess he knew something would happen. That made me happy. We talked and talked for hours online then on the phone. He would call me in the morning to wake me up. Everytime I was unhappy, it seemed he could tell from the way I said “hi.” Our life story is way too alike, it seems lik he understands everything. The things he tells me, the song he wrote for me.. Things I`ll never forget. “143 637″

Today was my best friend`s boyfriend`s birthday. We had a bonfire at the beach. It was freezing cold even though it was so hot in the afternoon, I had a waterfight. Which of course, made me more cold. I met him up a few hours later, coincidentally at the bus stop. We went together to the beach. He still had some cake on his shirt from lunch and I was still wet, but he still hugged me, knowing I was cold without me saying a word. He made smores for me and hugged me almost the whole time. I kissed him on the cheek. He seemed.. Surprised. I was dissapointed when he didn`t kiss me back. But he kissed me before I left, I smiled like an idiot all the way home.

We went on this way only a few weeks, I became self-conscious. What`s up with his Myspace playlist?! “Say Goodbye,” “Who`s Loving Her Now,” “Missing You.” And why is he always around his ex?! I was in too much of a bad mood to talk to him. But does he even care? He talked to me about it.. And I broke down. We argued for a while. He said he couldn`t take it anymore.. We broke up. I told him I was going to take a shower. But I didn`t have the strength to walk all the way to the shower, I broke down on the bathroom floor crying like an idiot for an hour until I gathered up enough strength to walk to the shower, still crying. The mood I was feeling was “Cry - Rihanna” because every word in it described my feelings at that moment.

When I finally got myself together, I came back out.  He left messages, telling me he wants to talk to me, he wants me back. I started to cry again. Why is he doing this to me?! We talked again, he said he wants me back.. But I was scared.. What will happen next time? Will it hurt even more? But hearing all the things he said, I couldn`t help it. I let him back in.

We were happy again. The first day wasn`t the same, but we got ourselves back together. I felt something so strong, I guess I had to call it love. It was just like before, like nothing has changed. Only the feelings have gotten stronger and stronger. This is really the first time I didn`t lose interest in my boyfriend and actually gained interest. Our first date, to the movies. It was a scary movie. However, with him it was actually funny. Probably because of his random outbursts and making fun of me while I got scared when he would get scared too.

Wow. I really suck at making stuffed animals. The duck I made in Home Ec.`s head seemed to be dislocated. When he saw it, of course he made fun of me. But he kept it anyways. That night, he told me he put it on top of his drawer. It felt like every little thing he said to me made me like him more.

Our one month anniversary!!! I was so excited. We tried to decide on a place to go, but it somehow seemed like he didn`t want to.. He said, “let`s just stay home.” I waited for him to go online that day, he didn`t until nighttime. I asked him about his day and he said he went out.. Should I be angry? I didn`t say anything about it.. It seems his friend, Ryan has been hanging around me more and more. It`s pretty obvious when he falls for a girl and I`m pretty sure he`s fallen for me. He just won`t stop following me! What`s wrong with him? While Ryan seems to be getting closer and closer to me, it seems he`s getting farther and farther… I can tell he`s getting jealous but… Why isn`t he doing anything? Whenever I tried to talk to him online, he signed off right away. When I call him, he didn`t pick up. I never see him at school or afterschool.

I was walking to my class when I saw him. He hugged me, then kissed me. I knew something was different with that kiss. Two days later, we officially broke up. I didn`t cry. I guess I saw it coming. Or I`ve already cried too much. The day after we broke up, our friend, Genifer, told me he`s always been a player and has liked another girl since sixth grade. He saw the conversation and was furiated.
Why would you even believe her?!
Who said I believe her?!
I just know you would believe that kinda shit.
Wtf does it matter anyway?
…..

We said we`d be friends, but it feels more like enemies. After the enemy stage, we were more like strangers. Of course I still had feelings for him, but I knew another talk would just turn out to be another fight. One day, he suddenly IMed me. He told me he went for a hospital check-up. He has cancer. I couldn`t stop crying. I told my best friends but they didn`t know how to help me. I didn`t figure out until later that I was the only one he told. A few days later, he went to the hospital for another check-up. It turned out it was an accident.. A month later, we talked again. I was about to tell him how I feel because I really can`t take it anymore. Also.. If I don`t say it now I may never have a chance, my mom told me we`re moving to Hong Kong. But he told me he fell in love with a girl named Selina. I couldn`t do anything but help him out.

Regret

i met him in my science class,he is attractive in any sense (since some of my friends confessed their attraction towards him in silence) and yet he does not seem to care about this. what is important to him were studies and basketball. it was senior year when i realized that i too, was attracted but i don't have the slightest intention of letting him know since we are parting ways after graduation. the only memory that was left for me is the first dance i had with him during the seniors night. we graduated and we parted ways. i had my boyfriend and was in the middle of my sophomore when i learned that he is moving in to my school. i took the news as a very good news since i haven't heard any of him after that night.never did i imagined that his transfer was a blessing in disguise. it was also the time when i finally gave up with my present boyfriend whom i really love that much. an attitude problem (he cant live with a single gf). and what i really hate the most is that whenever he asks me for another chance it always end up with a yes!i feel sorry for myself. but i know i cant completely turn him down if my attention is still on him. there i made the most selfish decision ever. i accepted my "friend's"(the one mentioned above) offer to be his girlfriend and i told him that i was not making that decision because i love him but because i want to stop myself from making a foolish decision of making my way back to my former bf.he just smiled and told me that whatever my reason is what is important is me being his gf. from then i felt the special care, love and concern i was deprived of by my ex,who i totally forgot. i learned to love him...really love him.yet i did three inconsolable mistakes which up to now i regret. i had an affair with my bestfriend, a co - employee and a former bf. and i had all the guts to tell him all about this.i was expecting for an outrageous emotion but what i had was "it's the past, i forgive you and i love you". i realized that i cant find somebody as good as he, that i should keep him for good. however, i got bored and impatient.i became a nagger and want to change things.i use to start a confrontation everyday with him being very silent in all of those. and he said that not all the things that i want him to do makes him grow, better and happy. that every mistake i commit with another man makes him lose his confidence. suddenly i felt like i was slapped on my face. that was the time that i let him go to give him chance to grow, be better and be happy and most of all to regain the confidence that was slowly deteriorating in silence. he was not in favor of my decision but i insisted. that is the least i can do to help him. now i am alone i may not be happy but at least i learned my lesson and i know i did the right thing out of love.i still love him... 

I DO love him (quite a long story)

Before I start, of course I'll introduce myself. My name's Juno Valentine. Hey. This story that I'm about to share to you is what I'm experiencing right now. So, here it goes...

During my first year of college, my mom requested me to transfer schools to her hometown which was a 3-hour drive from our home. It was a city to be exact. When I got there, I feel a little bit uneasy at first, because of the living they have there (I used to live in a province so I didn't know that what they do is normal). At first, it's difficult for me to cope up with them. I didn't even know how to cross the street which was kinda pathetic for my age. And there's also school, of course.

During my first day of classes, I was really nervous because I'm like a stranger to my new classmates. I mean, I've never knew anyone there, which was a sad thing. And to add more nervousness, I'm having a hard time talking to someone because I know in myself that I'm not a sociable type-of-girl (I don't even know how to smile properly!). It really sucked. But, as time passes, eventually I DID fit in which was kinda awesome in my part. I met all sorts of people including teachers whom I 'm friends with, and of course my friends whom I did rely on at times.

As part of being a collegiate student surrounded by temptations, I did have some sort of "addiction". My friends introduced me to "online computer games" which I thought was cool (Yeah, kinda awesome). I was interested in it when I saw one of my classmates playing it (my classmate's name is Janus). And then eventually I became more and more into it which developed me a new skill, "socializing" (yeah). Playing computer games everyday was fun, really, because we're all doing it! (he, he).

I've also met this guy who was always greeting me, saying things like "hello Ms. Juno" and "Goodmorning" whenever he sees me everyday. I really like it, how he treats me (he's name's Phobos). Eventually we did became friends and he courted me...but in the end, it didn't work out. Though I did have feelings for him. Strong feelings, I guess.

And then, there's the rumor...

A rumor started swirling around our department that one of my classmates (he's name is Charon) liked me, not as a friend but as "like more than friends" or something like that. To me, it's not a big deal 'coz it's just a rumor, I didn't even have the time to figure if it's real or not. Though it was kinda a hard time for me 'coz it seems to be true. (sh*t) In my part, I don't want to have any part of it. I mean, I just broke up with my boyfriend whom I caught cheating on me! How was I going to cope up with that!? But...I do like someone at that time, though it was not more than as a friend... (he's name's Europa).

Europa and I became BF-GF when he courted me and when I thought everything's doing good--NO, it's not. During our summer vacation, I found out everything about him--awful things about him. Including he's other girlfriend which was a really sucking thing to know. Of course, I broke up with him. At that time, all I did was play online games til I faint (actually it was true, I did faint. But just one time). I was damn miserable. But after our summer break ended, school's about to start again...

At that point, I did NOT had a hard time socializing with others because I already knew them! (yay!). But...I seem to kinda notice this particular guy...

My classmate Janus!

All I know at that time was, Janus is the type of person who doesn't really socialize and mingle with other people. He sort of likes to keep things to himself though he was quite a joker at times. I really like guys with a LOT of sense of humor because I like to laugh-out-loud! I was really happy that even though my love life turned upside down, at least I can laugh at his jokes. But I was confused. I mean, why did I suddenly notice him? Was it because of he's jokes? Or something else? Well, I did got an answer to that during my birthday...

My birthday came and I had this sort of feeling that I have a thing for Janus. It was so frustrating for me. I...I can't fall in love with him! No, no, no. He's prohibited! He's Charon and Europa's friend and I didn't want to ruin their friendship just because of my "love-struck" feelings! And..he doesn't to like girls that much. Then, I came to a decision that I will just stay away from him. But the more I avoid him, the more I was getting drawn into him! (OMG!). I can't seem to stay away from him. We even ended up texting each other. As I was drawn into him day by day, I finally snapped and sort of confessed my feelings to him. I did not expect any replies from him though I did get my reply. The next day, I noticed that he was always looking at me and we were getting closer and closer (Whoa). At that time, he also confessed to me that he also likes me and we became BF-GF.

After a few moths of having our relationship, we became more and more in love with each other until we're inseparable. Though we did always argue about something shallow or arguing over jealousy or something like that. Though we forget about it and make up the next day.

But now...I don't know what to do anymore, he's becoming more and more argumentative and insensitive. I did try to tell him about it but he just got mad at me and told me I was just over-reacting. I mean, I DO love him but, what can I do about his behavior? I don't seem to understand him at this point. I can also recall the times when we'd almost break up because of some silly fight. But, we did sort things out the next day and still continued on our relationship.

Then, just after I was about to break, thinking about what should I do, I've noticed Phobos waving at me and saying "hi" to me again and I did somehow remember the times that even though I have a relationship with Janus, HE was always AND still greeting me whenever I see him. Even if he has already shifted courses and belonged to the other department, he never fails to notice me. I mean, I was confused. What is that all about? It's depressing to think about it.

But, I can't give that thing a special meaning or something...I already have a boyfriend and even if our relationship's on the rocks right now, I still love him. Always am. Always will. I just have to figure it out what to do with his attitude right now. An advice would be great.  

Invisible

I thought that we could last eternity. I thought that you were the only one i needed in my life, i guess i never considered what would happen when someone just as great as me or even greater came into the picture. Guess i never thought about it...i dont need too anymore because it's happening, i dont need to think about it i can just witness it. The space growing between us...how less we talk now. Your words towards me, your actions...it all shows. This is it, this is where we ...break...up. Although i dont even want to think about it or really want to accept it. What else can i do? ... All i can do is watch an wait, as she gets everything i've ever dreamt for...all she has to do is sit there and look an act the way she does. I dont think she really realizes how lucky she is, why cant you see that i know how to make you truly happy, i know everything about you. Why cant you just ... see...me? 

I thought we are

it all started last august 2008,weve known each other for 2 years, but were not that really close "barkada lang", were actaully textmates before then we decided to meet feb 2007. at first it was just pure fun, we hang out. were just enjoying the company of each other...

as time goes by, we started to lay low the things between us, he does not txt me that often, i also did the same thing to him.. once a week or maybe once a month i txt him, my relationship with him was just like that until last august of 2008,

we started to txt each other, day and night we txt, if i dont have a load, i look for a way to txt him, he also do the same..we started haging out again, i introduced him to my friends.

i thought we have something special happening between us,his actions, he talks to me about his future with me,in that, i know, deep inside me, im starting to love him. I think of what will happen if a continue the feeling that i feel for him, it seems like, its ok to continue the feeling that i feel for him,

i thought he also feels what i feel, i thought we have an understading of what we feel for each other,. i started to feel that he is the man that i am waiting for, he was almost perfect for me... it was like a fairyrale came true for me... and i know that, om fallen in love him, i love him

until last december 2008, everything has change, he doesnt txt me anymore, i was thinking of what is the problem, but i dont have the courage, to tell it to him. i dnt have the courage to ask him about "us". i feel really sad thinking of whats happening between us,.

one day i was shock to know that he still have his girlfriend,i thought he broke up with her. the girl viewed my profile in friendster. i was really really shock, i cant describe what i feel the moment i saw thier pictures together,. that night i cried and cried and i told my best freind about it she was very angry,. the days past, he doesnt txt me at all, so i decide to forget him and move on with my life..

but until now i still love him so much...:(

My life lesson from one relationship

The spring of 2005 i met a boy everyone called E.A [initials] we spent everyday and night together, we got along perfectly my family loved him, his family loved me in the beginning everything was perfect. I thought he was amazing, I've always been a sucker for the old fashion type guys, where they open your car door and pull out your chair and all that kinda stuff and i haven't met a lot of guys like that but he was one of few. for the first...I'd say 6-8 months things were great, at least i thought then on our one year anniversary he was no where to be found. I was so upset I didn't even try to call him. The next day he showed up at my house around nine in the morning with roses and a ring, he handed them to me and i just glared at him. By this time the excitement of a "new relationship" was gone so his true person had came out, no more nice guy just a all out jerk. So when he handed them to me and he didn't get a hug or a thank you just a glare he decided to smack me, I fell into the door and he just walked past me went in my house and made himself comfortable. I got up and walked in crying, it was the first time he had ever done anything like that. That wasn't the first sign to leave him but it was the biggest reason to leave. But i was dumb, I was like many of the girls i knew, i catered to everything he wanted treated him like gold. And i still dont know why. Everybody knew about us and we both put on a act for everybody and wouldn't show people how things really were. I never asked where he was on our anniversary I knew it would be a lie anyways. Then a few weeks later i started noticing how him and my best friend acted towards each other I had always suspected something but I just didn't want to believe it. I found out a few weeks later on our one year he spent the day with my best friend and he had been cheating on me with her for queit awhile. I stupidly took him back. We ended up being together for 2 years and 10 months. Within that time he had cheated on me with every single one of my "so called" friends, beat me, controlled everything about me. But i let him do it i never told anybody just faked a smile and let things go. And i was to scared of him to say anything. Finally 4 days before we broke up he told me to come over when i got off work, I got off early and went over there, I walked in to find him and some girl i had never seen naked in bed with each other. I started screaming at him saying everything i had ever thought, best and worst thing i have ever done. The girl left in the mix of everything and he started pushing me and yelling then he hit me i woke up a day later in critical care. The only one that was by my side was my mom, my brothers and sisters had been there but my mom sent them home, the doctors didn't think i was gonna make it and my younger sister couldn't handle it so my mom sent everybody home to watch after her.I woke up with 27 stiches in my head 4 stiches along my eye brow and 3 broken ribs and a concusion. My mom was so upset and thats my biggest regret , not telling her before it was almost to late. When i finally got released I went home and explained everything we decided not to let peolple know i was home because he would try to come back . cops came and asked if i wanted to press charges, i said no because i was to scared. My brothers went over and told him not to show up again and not to even look at me . He didn't listen he came over when no one was home and told me if i tell anyone or decide to quit talking to him he'd kill me. I told my oldest brother about this and he went over there he still has never told me what was said but whatever it was, worked. I still see him every now and then and i will never understand why i put up with him. I haven't seen him in about 3 months at all. I hear hes in and out of lock up heavy on drugs and i guess he goes to donate blood 2 times a week for money. Its crazy how a person can not only control what you do but also how you think. For some odd reason I thought i was in love. How you confuse love and hell is beyond me but I did it. I sit and wonder how my life would be if i would have stuck with him, but all honesty i most likely wouldnt have lived to tell. It's amazing how the person of your dreams, so perfect in everyway can turn into everything you hate and at the same time make you feel like your in love. This relationship taught me a lot but the biggest thing it taught me was never ignore things because the longer they go unoticed the worse they will get. And to never settle for less.

He was the one and only

Hi my name is Jade i moved over to L.A two years ago and while i was there i met a boy called Johnny.

He was so kind and i was grateful that he loved me the way he did. I moved in with him and was going to stay with him and one night when i got back from my work he asked me to marry him i said yes i was the happiest woman in the world but i never got to marry Johnny because he was killed in a car crash in new york on the night that i found out that i was having his baby girl. 

my little girl is 2 now and she looks so like her father and i still pray that he is in a better place but i know that where ever  he is he is watching over me and Anne.  

Jade xx

Still

She called him for the umpteenth time. His voicemail answered every call. With a face drenched in tears, she quietly stared at her cell-phone hoping that at any second it would ring. Still, he hadn't called. Now she sits in the dark. Lays upon her bed. Her back  against the wall, she softly sobs. She remembers their last conversation. He yelled at her and spit words of pure hatred and disgust. Still she loved him on, and asked for his eternal love. He hung up on her; how could I love a whore was his last words. Now she gently lays down on the bed, and cries a many more tears.  Still she loves him on.

Best friend's hidden feelings...

I thought he was different from the guys I used to love... I thought he understand my feelings, but in the end he was no different. I was breaking in front of him and he still could not see it. Could not see how he had crushed my heart......

I'm not bragging or anything but I am one of the best students in my school... And he was one of the worst...

He came to me and asked for my help with his study, so I agreed just like I agreed to help my other friends with their studies.. Throughout our study sessions, we had grown closer and became good friends... His company made me feel so contented, because he was so sincere and so eager to study, something I rarely see in other guys...

He turned to me for comfort when his other guy friends isolated him, he told me almost everything that he felt about it..How much did it hurt him, how much he wanted to be appreciated by the other guys.. I was the one who was there every time he was down, I went to the trouble of staying up to finish my assignments just to spend time to give him one-on-one tutor, I was the one who cared for him when he was sick (since we live in hostels), I did just about anything just for him....

And from just enough marks to pass each test, on one of the national exams both he and I passed with top grades, and we both continued our study in the same school.. That was when everything went haywire...

We both applied for better schools with our results, and in the meantime we undergone a special program as a preparation...

I really loved him with all my heart and will give just about anything to be with him, when one day he came and seek my comfort after knowing the girl he LOVE is staying and they soon they will be parted... I was so devastated when I heard that piece of news, and slowly we grew far apart from each other....

He no longer visits me frequently in my class, as he spent the remaining time with the girl he loves before he leaves... He couldn't even see the pain i felt every time he cut short our chat just to meet her... He no longer see my concern and encouragement for him, he just noticed her tease and laughs..

He no longer care whether I'm sad or happy, all that matters to him was her..To him, I'm his best friend. To me, he's my deadliest enemy....

The day before all of us will be separated...

Even when he said he will be coming to my class that night after he spent the whole evening with her, he went to her class for the first 2 hours and only came for the last thirty minutes to come to see me to say goodbye.. and from the last thirty minutes, he spent only ten actual minutes talking to me..the rest are just coming back and forth to her class... I didn't cry before that, I cried when he said that he wanted to meet her but still he couldn't see what I'm trying to tell him... He came back to me crying for having to be separated from her, I cried harder seeing his tears yet he was still blind on just how much I love him...

The actual last day, he didn't come over to my class at all...I was so in despair since both he and I live in two different states, yet he could still find the time to spend with her when they both live in the same area... He dedicated a love song to me, only because he liked the lyrics and not because it mean anything to both of us...

And the worst part is, I could not hate him even a little... I was a fool for falling for him in the first place....

Tell me why?

I have a special boy for me,his name is Gerry.We already shared so many unforgettable moments together,we have our songs,our bonding moments and our good friendship. With all of that, i can't avoid falling inlove with him. He's a very nice guy but he don't know how to groom himself that time,but I still love him for who is he yet,I don't have the right courage to tell him what i feel.. Till the time came that our friends started to tease us & that's also the time he started avoiding me. I can't really understand why he's acting like that and I started hating yet loving him for that. our good friendship was lost but my love for him is still there. We started going our own ways.We often see each other but we seldom talk.But on those few months that passed,I noticed that he changed.He already groom himself properly and it is undeniably that he is such a very handsome man that even gays adore him.I love that he's better to see but i feel bad coz he became lazy and conceited. The nice guy i met and loved before was already gone.And the thing that i hate most about him, is that he's being always mean to me and i don't know why.whenever i speak to him,he won't listen.Whenever i'll call him,he'll just ignore me.And whenever we see each other around,he's snobbing me.I am always observing his behavior and i noticed that he's only doing that to me. To the hell in this world why he's doing that to me? I always attempting to confront him but he always avoids.If one day he accidentally read this, i just want him to know how much i am hating him or maybe i'm just affected?!Maybe i sound absurd but girls like me don't deserve this humiliation from stupid guys.I don't know when will our story end,but now..I don't want to care for him anymore..i want to put my attention to other guys who deserves a girl like me..i simply want to forget the past.i just want to put out him..in my heart..If i only can :'( 

His last breath broke me....

The biggest heart break of my life happened when i was 10, Heart break to most people is when there love breaks there heart, But for me it was Jack. When i was 3 my mom started working at the mall in Kansas City, we had just moved there and didn't know very many people. My mothers second week at the store she met Lisa, Lisa and my mom became best friends and me and Lisa's son Jack became best friends also. I grew up with Jack we did everything together, I leaned how to swim with him, I learned how to ride a bike with him, And I also had my first kiss with him. When we turned 8 we started "dating" or having play dates as everybody called it. We new everything about each other and day by day we were learning more and more. We even had a fake marriage, the rings were gummy worms, what do you expect we were only 8. We were planning on growing old together, but like most love something came in between it, But in our case it was more than we would of ever thought. When Jack turned ten, both me and his mom noticed that something was wrong, He seemed very weak. On February, 13, 2003 me and jack were in school and for some reason jack told me that he felt dizzy and his nose hurt the next thing I know his nose stated bleeding and he was on the floor passed out. I was in shock, and I didn't know what to do. The teacher called Lisa and i called my mom, as soon as Lisa found out she got to the school and we rushed Jack to the hospital. After tons of tests and days spending the night at the hopital, the doctors diagnosed Jack with Leukemia, a blood disease. They told us he only had about 4 months to live, I cried for 2 weeks straight, then I told myself that i had to do something, Me, Lisa and my mom made sure that he got to be a kid before he passed. We spent every last day Jacks best last days ever. Jack passed on June,3, 2004. I am now fifteen and every thing that we did everything we learned is still stuck in my heart for forever. I will love him always and forever.

I guess im not good enough....

Hi. okay my ex-boyfriend is amazing.. i obviously still love him. we started going out 1.12.08 and i broke up with him because there was rumors going around saying that he was in love with my best friend. he swore to god he wasn't and yet two days later they started going out and just left me out in the cold. so a few weeks go by and they break up. he asks me out again and of course i say yes... but then people tell him i was in love with his best friend and he broke up with me. we both go through about a month of being sad and depressed until we finally sit down and talk it over. we were going out.. again. a few months passed by and we just both kinda...stopped loving each other. so once again we break up.and then two days later he asks out my best friend. that made me realize how much i needed him and how much i loved him. i couldn't tell her cause she looked so happy and i didn't wanna be the one to screw it all up. i was just hoping she would see how much pain i was going through but she didn't. for the two months they were going out i couldn't hang out with her i couldn't look at her i couldn't even talk to her without her finding out i was in love with her boyfriend. after they broke up i just gave up..gave up on him and gave up trying to be with him.the summer came and i kept calling him because i felt like he was mad at me and i couldn't stand it.then the new school year came and we became best friends. he is currently dating another one of my best friends but i am fine with it because i realized being friends is probably the best thing that's ever happened to me.i know its confusing but now i can look at him without wondering when we are gonna have to go through another painful break up& just knowing that makes it amazing! and it is my fault because i was chasing after a guy who only hurt me. but after all life is too short to be anything by happy!