My Ex Boyfriend is the best of them all

I miss my ex boyfriend every day. He dumped me well over a year ago but I still love him so much. I've slept with 3 people since him and it's only the most recent person that I've finally felt comfortable and had good sex with. I love my ex for so many reasons and I find it really hard to let go and accept that he is my past. He was the first person I fell in love with, and everyone knows what first love is like; totally all-consuming and obsessive. He broke my heart really, really terribly as we slept together twice after breaking up, despite his saying he didn't want to be together anymore though he still loved me. I think to him it was just about sex (we had amazing, mind blowing sex and were really sexually compatible) but he meant so much to me. I feel really sad and I still cry nearly every day. I can't seem to find anyone I like as much or who makes me laugh as much as he did. I acted really badly when he split up with me and I think that is the reason he won't talk to me anymore, I hate myself for it and it just adds another horrible dimension to how i feel. I need to find someone so I can get over him, but no one seems interested and i dnt know why. I dnt think im that bad looking. maybe i am. all i want to do is have really dirty sex with a bloke who likes me. me and my ex used to do such lush stuff, i miss the sex so much. it was extra good because he was in the army and i could only see him at weekends, so all week we'd send each other dirty texts and try and refrain from masterbating so that when friday afternoon came it was totally amazing and we'd fuck for hours and hours. his dick was so big and thick and lush, i used to love sucking and licking it, and gently licking his balls, they tasted so nice. he was brilliant at licking me out as well. one time when he was doing it i came three times in a row, all in his mouth and he loved it. he said it tasted like sweet water and kissed me so i could taste it as well. i used to like it when he was on top and he pushed really far inside me, really slowly, so i could feel every inch of him, and then pull out all the way and then thrust back in again so hard, it used to make me moan so much. one of the best orgasms i ever had with him was when i was on top and he was playing with my tits (i have really big, firm breasts and he loved them, they're a 32FF), then he reached round and pulled my bum cheeks apart and suddenly my clit was rubbing on him and it felt so good. every so often he'd slip his finger inside my arsehole to make me moan and i loved it, then he'd transfer the finger he just used in my arse to my mouth and made me suck it. i came so hard because i felt so dirty and i loved the look on his face. i love him, no one can fuck me as good as he did.