Torn Between Two Lovers

This story is about my self. Once I've been in love to a guy but he didn't;'t recognize my worth. here it goes.

I am working overseas. I met him, from that day I thought I will not like him as a friend. Because he is a great bully. When the time goes by I realize he got this attitude which I like most. He can make me laugh even in his small jokes. and get mad to his below the belt comments. There was a night spending until 3am in the terrace sharing stories from love, heartaches, family and other life experiences over a cup of coffee. I cannot count how many cups of coffee we take that nights. I was so happy by then and I didn't realize that I am falling in love with him. I cannot tell or share that feeling because it was absurd. i am a lady and it is inappropriate for me to make the first move. And it was so fast that my feeling for him to develop. 

When the time comes that its time for him to go for a vacation, I thought it was a longing month but I  have friends whom I can talk to. I was denying about my feelings because my reason is "I work abroad not to find a guy but to work." Because of them I didn't realized that the month will be over for his vacation and he will be coming back again. Then one day I got a message that he got already a girl back home. It was a painful day for me but what can I do. Then questions starts running to my head, the what if's. What if I told him before he leave that I love him? But all of my questions where vanished because of my reason why I am here.

He came back, I was so happy. Happy that he is back!Happy that he is happy with his girl. I must think that he is not for me. I thought I can hide my feeling for him. When he and his girl fight over petty reasons I am into rescue to help them. Because I don't want him to be lonely. Even in his family, If they will call ans ask for money I am there lending him money. I am doing this not because  he is a friend but because I love him and I want him to be happy. 

Until one day we became lovers, I don't know how. I cannot hide my feelings anymore. i know he already got a girl back home but still I continue maybe because I really love him and hoping one day he will broke up with the girl and focus on our relationship. We eat together, before our relationship was secret the it became vulgar. but no one dare to ask because it was obvious that our relationship is more than friends. I'm just a girl who fell in love with the boy. 

Even if our relationship is like that, I didn't pressure him. I didn't ask him about my status in his life. It was very painful for me seeing him sending messages to the girl even in front of me and even saying I love you to her. I cannot ask him because I know in the first place my position. For almost a year our relationship is like that. and its time for his vacation again. 

I sacrifice my own family for him. I know its too much but I cannot control my self. I lend him money because his money is not enough. he will spend 1month in the Philippines without money. But the money which I lend to him is for my family. I  also something for my family which he promise to give it personally to them but it was broken. He promise at least to give me a miscall or SMS but he didn't. and when he was confronted by my sister for this promises, she was just smiling which make her really mad. She know that she should not tell anything about his debt to me but she has no choice but to tell him that he should come back to pay his debt to me. My brother also was mad to this guy. he said to me that he will punch this guy once he saw him. but I told him to do anything because it was me whom he will hurt and people might thing that I was a third party to their relationship, because I know that he has already a girl and i allow these things to happen.

If he respect me and if he recognized my worth to him he will at least be considerate what I feel. It was really painful but I need to rise where I fall. It is not easy to forget all of waht he did but at least I will forgive him and accept any reasons he prepare. I will be honest to what I feel, I still love him but I need to forget him because he is not worthy of my time and love and caring. But it will take time. I hope it will be agood days ahead of me.

Thank for reading my heartache story.. for all who will read this kindly give me your suggestions and comments, even if it hurts I just want to know the views of the readers so that It is easy for me to decide. here is my email hearthache_lady@yahoo.com, you can send me messages.  

Thanks and God Bless!!!

And some day, the right one will come.

I was young, and stupid. I swore to myself that I would never fall in love without truly knowing who he really was. But as fate would have it, I did. Not one word was spoken between each other, but the connection was as strong as if we had known and loved each other our whole lives. I always saw him staring at me, with a strange twinkle in his eye, out of the corner of my eye. He would do constant cute and funny things everyday, it was unexplainable on how it felt to be adored in that way. It continued out through out the year, with each passing day, my feelings for him grew stronger and stronger. I could never bring myself to look at him directly or even glance at the direction he was in. I wanted to be with him so badly, to actually be in his arms, instead of longing to be. Our paths changed, and he moved. A year and a half passed and I was still hurting from the regret and pain of having that chance so close and I let it slip away. My friends saw a drastic change in me. I was no longer shy and quite. Instead of hiding my body with sweat shirts and jeans everyday, I started to wear make-up, actually style my hair, and wore cute outfits. I went through many meaningless relationships, all just trying to forget about him. I felt nothing for any of the guys I dated, and it hurt me to see I was hurting guys who actually cared about me, but I couldn't let go. One day, I was hanging out with one of my best friends who had been through it all with me, and we were searching the net. She clicked on a link, and there he was. A picture of him sporting the same wide happy smile, but next to him was a girl, smiling just as big. At the caption of the picture, it had a date, the date that they were going to get married. I broke down in tears, my body shaking. My friend held me tight and she kept whispering "This is fate, if it wasn't for him, you wouldn't be outgoing as you are today! Everything happens for a reason, it's time to move on and forget. This was meant to be." I believed her & I eventually got over him, trying harder than I ever had. But every guy I met in my life never stuck. I would never like anyone for more than a day, never thought of anyone with that same intensity. I'm still waiting for my Prince Charming to come, to sweep me off my feet. I know people think there is no such thing as fate or prince charming. But what you believe is what you see. Everything happens for a reason, just look back through out your life and look at the times where if something horrible didn't happen in the past, then something wonderful wouldn't have happened. 

Annoyed...need some advice!!!!

I am guy in my mid 20s with big hopes and great ambitions..i have secured a job with a well respected organization..i am paid really well..i have managed to own a house and a car..i kno in years to come i will be reaching the heights that i have always dreamed of..but it all seem so bleak coz i have noone beside me to share it with..i have had r/ships before and my previous gf was someone i really was in love with but i got betrayed by her..she dumped me and it took me 2 years to finally move on..its been 3 years now since the day i was single..i turned into a motivated, practical, career driven, matured, ambitious and full of pride and egoistic person too(only when needed) after my previous r/ship..i also suppressed my emotions and never showed it to anyone in this past 3 years..recently i met this girl in a function..i slightly got attracted to her then we met again in another party where i started having a crush on her..during the times i met her, she has left hints that she likes me..i added her on facebook but she did not approve my request till today..i got her number through my friend and messaged her..she replied the first two messages but after that there were no replies..i know she is playing the hard-to-get game..as i told earlier after i got dumped, i have become very much practical and my pride comes before everything..i know its bad having ego but i really cant help it bcoz this transformation has led me to the place i am today..my confusion is that i really like this new girl but since she is playing this game i don't know whether i should be persistent in courting her or let my ego take over and just drop the whole thing..i just need some advice..pls help

The day I knew...

So...what is love. Just a few months ago I met a great guy. There was a new movie theater and it turns out that we both start working together. Life was great and I was talking to another boy which he is two years younger then me. That saturdays and that guy that's younger start dating. Even though me and dustin from work have so much chemisty. Yeah I have made a bad deciosion but...I fell in love with dustin. The purpose is to follow your heart and be with the one you love.

Do i have the right?

My friends call me freda, so just call me Freda.

he used to be my boss, he is a priest.we worked together for 10 months and i never had this feeling towards him, i admire him yes, but falling in love with him did not came into my mind, after resigning to my old work and start to work in the other parish i find my self missing his corny jokes and smiles, i always wanted to text him but i still can control my feelings towards him,i got myself a boyfriend. until one day he transferred to other parish and we were assigned to work together in a ministry.

one day we are assigned to go for a stay in seminar, for 1 week being with him in the same house, we became friends, not the usual friendship we had before. he is not my boss now. in that one week everything change.....

we started to go out for a dinner, we started to have fun together, until he started kissing me, instead of objecting i responded to that kiss, for 2 months we go out for a date,date like lovers...

one day i woke up realizing things were not going right, i became demanding to him, wanting time that he cannot give, he has a lot of schedules, our schedules don't meet.

until felt being rejected by him, but the truth is he is not, he cannot give up his commitments just for me, well i do understand him when he explains.

my problem now is that I'm falling in love with him, and i cant help it. by now i dont care about my boyfriend, and i know its unfair for him.i dont think i can give him up now. i want him not as i want my boyfriend.

No matter what they say think or do...

It was November 17th 2008 when I first met him. Ill never forget how distrusting i was of him at first. You see I met him on line, through an aim chat room. I was 15 at the time, and had no clue about love  even though, like every teenage girl, I looked for it. He entered the chat room and we began to talk about things that we liked.  figured out that he is two years older than me, 17 at the time, but that didnt bother me. Soon I wasn't talking to anyone but him and we had both left the chat to talk privately. I was having some trouble in my life and i had found myself spilling out my story to him. What surpised me is that he responded wit a story of his own. A tale or a boy who was raised in sorrow and confusion and a boy who still struggles at times. The moment he finished the story i asked who the boy was and if he was ok today. His response will forever remain in my soul. It was simple and to the point "that little boy grew up and he still isnt an adult although he grows closer to that age. he still struggles but he found a person who struggles as well to help him... that little boy is me" I was speechless and had no clue how to respond. I told him that i was glad to have met him and he told me that i was an answer to a silent prayer. Again i was speechless. What could i say to him when i was feeling the exact same things? We continued to talk for a week or so after that and i cam to see that i was falling in love with him. As crazy as that was i knew it was true. We exchanged numbers and began  to talk on the phone it was amazing to finally know someone who undestood me and who knew my pain. Better yet he took that pain away.... we are still together today and love eachother very much however young we are we plan to be married as soon as its legal..and nobody is going to stop us...

 

I Thought It was Real

I started dating this guy my freshman year of high school. I was known for being in long relationships, and i actually had just got out of one in the middle of my freshman year. Months past, and randomly I met this boy who was very good looking, and quite charming at the time. We hit it off great the first time we met, and dated only 4 days after that. I guess the reason why we had so much fun in the beginning of our relationship was because we barely knew each other, and getting to know him like that was the most fun experience I've had in a long time. He was sweet, and became my high school sweetheart since then. We spent an amazing summer together going into our sophomore year, and that was the best our relationship ever was. It could only get better when for out 1 year anniversary I went on a trip with him and his family to Park City, Utah. It was amazing with the cabin and the snow, and snowboarding til we were so tired we fell asleep together when we got back to the cabin. Things started to get a little rocky the summer going into my Junior year. He came with me to Disney world that summer, and that was the last time that I had ever felt truly loved by him. It breaks my heart to flashback to those moments, and look at him now and see how different all of it is. He ended up breaking up with me the beginning of junior year..and I broke down. It was the hardest thing I had ever gone through, and all I wanted was for him to want me back. 4 months past, and I got what I had wanted. He wanted me back because he got jealous when he saw me with someone else. 2 weeks after that, I told him I wanted him too. He turned me down. I've been waiting for him ever since that day, and i JUST found out last night, that he was using me..and never cared. His I love yous were all fake too. I'm writing my story because there are girls out there who don't know what their guy is thinking. Guy's need to tell the full truth instead of using a woman. I'm very heart broken right now, but I know I'll be okay. I just wish things were different, but pride is what is going to help me through this. I am better than how he has treated me. And for all the women out there who feel this way, have pride. You are better than that. Just like me.

Flirting with all the girls

There was a boy who was madly after me trying to convince me that he loves me at last i accepted his love  and for a year we were along and slowly i felt that he is avoiding me when repeatedly asking him he told that he got engaged to some other girl when i asked him how he can do this to me he told that i his parents forced him cos that girl was orphan to this i thought he has done something very good and kept my life going and one day i happened to meet his friend whome i asked about this guy so his friend told me he was not worth me when i asked him why he saying all this to that he toldme that he didnt got engaged he just wanted to get rid of me so made all that stories actually he was flirt i could not believe that a guy who use to run after me like a mad just flirted with me i hated him for what ever he did with me but i still love him cos he was my first love

The day i broke down completely

This is a heartaching story that i would be narrating from my personal life experience. It all began when i was studying bachelors. Attraction which i thought is normal at my age soon turned into love and i was unaware of wat was going around me. To b honest i lost control of my mind, i knew nothing except thinking about the girl. she was my classmate.  always i used to get a snap shot of her in my eyes. driving,eating,sleeping n even talking to other girls i would c her in them. unnoticeably i used to eye her and whenever and whereever i always tried being close to her. it was a secret which i shared with noone. and then it happened in the final yr of my bachelors my secret was no more a secret.

the girl rang me up late in the night and i was of loosing her frndship denied of my love 2wards her.  that was the day which i believe tht i should have been ashamed off. but later on after thinking for a long time with the mistake i've done i msged her n told her the truth, the truth tht i hid from her. n 4 my proposal i got a clean big NO . i felt like i lost life, i am a looser. after this incident i tried many times to win her but i never succeeded. the worst part was when i told her tht if her parents would say yes to my proposal will she agree? she told tht not even in the next life or ever she would marry me. i am good person i dont smoke nor drink or eye girls or nyother bad habbits. then why should i suffer? the only reason she has for rejecting me is she is already been proposed and after a thorough search i found tht even thts a lie. i left india in hope of wiping out those memories but i guess i could'nt . some of her frnds say cause i am not settled n from middle class family i got rejected.  Anyways i hope the best for her n alll of them who r in my position.

She's gone...and i don't know where she is

First time i saw her was during the middle of 8th grade. We were in 2 different cliques, while she was in the whole emo/scene myspace group, I was part of the troublemaker delinquent kids. Despite our difference, she was the one of the most beautiful girl i have ever seen, but of course i kept this to myself. Later in the year, we discovered that we're in the same drama class.

"You were everybody's boyfriend" she said jokingly to me as we talked about our experiences at that class. Well she was right. During the time period in drama class, i have flirted with every girl in that class except Marissa(her name). I've always been shy with Marissa even though im always confident with other girls. Then out from nowhere, Marissa sent me an instant message saying "Hi". Then that's when it took off. We hung out secretly, but the people already knew due to her habit of telling all of her friends anything. My friends then don't seem to mind because i told them that i had no feelings for her.

As we hung out more, my feelings for her started to develop more and more.

I tried to stop it, but the more I hold back the more my feelings get out. So i decided to stop hanging out with her, I even stop talking to her. She tried talking to me but i just ignored her. Then she finally realized that I didn't want anything to do with her. So she did the same. It was very hard for me because i thought of her 24/7. Then i got myself a girlfriend so i could stop thinking about her. Unfortunately it didn't work. I end up breaking with my girlfriend then confessed my feelings to Marissa. It took about a month for me to convince her to be my girlfriend. We were very inlove, summer of 07 was my best summer because of her. We hung out with each other almost everyday and loved every moment of it. Then highschool started and she went to different school. This situation made us more in love because, it triggered us to want to see each other more. I stopped smoking and doing drugs for her. Then she started dressing different(she started wearing

abrecombie,hollister,and etc..). She also stopped her emo habits such as cutting herself and being depressed all the time. We had all this plans about the future from getting married to the name of our future kids. We fought a lot but i always win. Despite all the fighting we were very inlove, as if we couldn't get enough off each other.Then after the winter break she moved to our school.We got caught making love at school campus.We both got suspended for 5 days. Then during the suspension she called me and then she said that her mom might put her in some kind of theraputic boarding school in Oregon. At first i wasn't worried then days turned to weeks. No phone calls or anything. Then i decided to talk to her big sister who hates me. She said that I would never see Marissa again. I begged and begged, but nothing works. I was obssesed on finding her, but all the efforts i made progressed into nothing.....then i gave up. Until now i still don't know here she is. Not even a goodbye was said before she left. Her parents cut all of our communications. Where ever she is, i hope she's alright

Do we really know

Do we really know what we want....

If so.... why is it we dont always get it...

And if we do.... we end up really not wanting it..

 

 

That's my problem

What Ive wanted I never got

Then I wanted something and got it

But didnt want it in the end

 

Now that I want something so dieingly bad I'll fight for it

It will take a while to get it

I dont even know if I will

 

I pray every day that I would have you

But I dont know if my prayer will be answered

I dont want to wait till the future to have you

I want you now...

 

But I've learned patience is a virtue

So I'll wait....

Whats the hurry...

I've already waited four years

 

I'll be here.... waiting

My heartache story

K, so i wouldn't count this as dating but like it was "liking" each other. I was in seventh grade and me and this guy liked each other. We told each other and we both knew, he called me beautiful as well at one point. We each gave each other candy grams saying i love you and stuff...and guess wat he ripped mine to pieces, i was heart broken i was soo sad it like u never liked me! :( But thats not the worst thing. He insulted my best friend, wat was i supposed to do stick up for her or not. I decided to stick up for her, I talked to him and he Dannyed it...as he was walking away he called me a loser and bitch but Lucky my friend told me so i liked freaked out at him! Later he said he hated me...i liked him for soo long, even though he was such a ass to me, and now every Friday 19th of dec i remember him! for about a year after that nothing good ever happened to me again! :(

Lost Stars

She died on August 15th, 2007. 10:15pm. Sophomore year. My best friend and then only girl who i truly loved for everything that she was, and everything that she could be. To us, are futures we blank. We had nothing telling us where are friendship may go in the future, or where it may end. I was 5 years old when i met her for the first time. I can't exactly remember how it went. But sitting around the table in kindergarten, she is the only face I can remember getting a close look at. She smiled at me. And I smiled back. That was when I think we both felt love for the first time. We were too young to know what this feeling was. But what we did no, was that it was special, and nobody else had it. And then time went on. We became closer and closer. Are friendship grew stronger and stronger. We never argued, only debated. (Which are two very different things). And then 5th grade came along. That's when i finally got the nerve to ask her out. And she said yes. And we dated for probably 5 months or so, until it ended. The reason behind it ending was simple. We both thought that what we had wasn't true. We believe that love was something like a fairy tale, and that it was an illusion and we would eventually loose it. So we tried to stop love before it stop us. Trying not to love her was the hardest ting I ever had to do. Its not easy denying something that is so true, but believed to be so unrealistic. She seemed to be doing fine without me. So I felt obligated to try and enjoy life without her, as she did me. But utterly, this didn't last long. We became friends once again during 8th grade. We told each other everything. We were totally open to each others beliefs and we would have long conversations under the stars. We even named two stars based on us lying next to each other. Nights became late. During Freshman year we had one of the longest nights, lying on the rocks beside the lake, watching shooting stars. Are love for each other began to grow again, and we both knew it. Tat night I kissed her for the first time. Lying on the rocks, under the stars. When you kiss the person there is a rush that goes over your body. Something tells you whether or not the person is the person that your meant to be with for the rest of your life. And I felt that. So did she. We both became aware that night that the love we had was something that was so true. We were living are own Love Story. When we were with each other we made every second count. It was the most amazing thing. To love and be loved back. So a year went by and are love continued to grow, until we became Sophomores. She started hanging around with a new group of people. At school they were known as the "Druggies". As you can tell by the name, this wasn't best. One night in August she was trying to convince me to go to a party with her. I said no because I didn't like the people she was hangin' around with. This was the closet thing to and argument we ever had. So she went. Around 10:00pm I got a phone call. It was her. She told me that there had been drinkin' and some of her friends had Bitched her out. She wanted to leave. I told her that I was on my way, but she didn't want to wait. The house she was at was only about 5 minutes away. As I drove there I had this feeling. It can't be described. There was just this feeling that I'd never had. As I was trying to understand what was happening I saw a car on the side of the road. It was crashed into a tree. I can remember glipsing down and seeing the time. 10:15pm. She didn't want to leave her car there, so she tried to drive herself to my house, ignoring the fact that she was drunk. So now I'm here. Telling you my story. It's hard going on without her. It's been a year and I still cry every night. But I'm trying to fight my way through this. It's hard not having the love, that I can never rememer not having. I've become so obsorbed in the memories, yet I've lost are stars to the night sky. But although I've lost us, everytime I look into the night sky, I see her eyes.

Secret

loving him is my secret  from my world I live in,

my heart is weighed down by this true fact that i am still in love him. 

why should i feel a shame by what i feel, we have history together i was   married to him,

 this is not like this is a sick crush we slept in the same bed together and made mad passionate love and conceived a child.to show our love for one another.

Thur this commitment we was to started a lineage because this was a action of love we want our unity to grow and start our own family tree,

 

but thing change for him and me our dreams fell  down a bottomless pit

 I cried,scream and throw a fit.

HE said he met someone else and she was his perfect fit,I was not his soul mate any more that she was it.

So I'm still reliving that life changing day like a lost soul trying to find her way.

Always trying to relive that moment to fix what I thought was not broke.

 I'm not crazy i know things will never be the same, it's just hurts i need for this pain to go away.

People often criticize me for still loving him, so I stop making my feeling known.

 I already feel stupid I've been loving him for to long.

 He walked out my life and never looked back and started a life brand new

and left me mentally trapped

                                                 by: secret

one day i will stop loving you

Nicholas

I met him on the Fourth of July one year. He was the very cliche, tall, dark and handsome man in all of the popular romance novels. His name was Nicholas, but everyone called him Nic. We were both extremely young and just genuinely enjoyed spending time with eachother. It wasn't about a physical relationship with us, I think we were both too naive to understand what that even was. We told eachother that we loved eachother, and we meant it. We spent all summer together. It was my most memorable summer. Eating deep fried turkey, and chicken wings, drinking his favorite beer (BudLight), sitting around a warm and toasty bon-fire and going for rides to wherever we ended up. I absolutely loved him and he knew that.

Nic had joined the Marines and had everything figured out before he even graduated highschool. He was extremely smart and had a very great life ahead of him. I broke up with him before he went to boot camp.

We wrote letters back and forth while he was down at Parris Island for training. While he was gone I started seeing someone... who I stayed with for two and a half years. I didn't have the heart to tell Nic about it while he was gone. When he came home, of course I was excited to see him, super excited, but I also had to break the news to him. He was disappointed but he still wanted to be a part of my life, and so we remained friends.

Over the next few years Nic and I stayed in touch. He was traveling throughout the states, only coming home every now and then. I remember one time he came home one summer and chased me around my Aunts yard... eventually throwing me into her pool, it was a blast.

When I went to College Nic deployed to Djibouti, Africa. He emailed and called me whenever he could. We were both looking forward to going home around the same time frame... May 2006, me from college, and him from his deployment. I was really excited that I was going to get to see him. Around the beginning of February he emailed me and asked what my address was at school saying that he had something to send me. I asked him what it was and he said that I'd have to wait and see. This was the last time that I talked to Nic. On February 18th 2006 I received a phone call from my mother. She was asking to speak to my roommate so I knew that something was wrong. I kept asking her... "What's wrong mom, what is it?" She eventually told me that Nic was involved in a helicopter crash over the Gulf of Aden off of the coast of Africa. Unfortunately out of the twelve personnel on board, Nic was one of the ones who didn't make it.

After I heard of the news I couldn't deal with everything at college so far away from my friends and family. I packed up and went home. About a month later, after everything had settled down a bit I remembered the email saying that Nic was sending me something in the mail. I immediately got in contact with my old roommate asking her to check my mail box. A week later I received what appeared to be a card in the mail at home. I opened it and enclosed was a valentines day card from Nic. In it he said that he was glad that we remained friends. He said that we didn't remain friends just because we did... we worked at it and got through all of the obstacles because we wanted to. He told me to stay in college and he said that he was so excited to get out of the military and go to college. He told me that he loved me and he said to let my nephew know that he loved him too. I was hoping for some closure from whatever he sent me in the mail... but I didn't get any. It just made me miss him even more... and it almost made me disappointed in myself because I had just quit school.

I realize now that Nic was the most amazing man, and friend that I could have ever asked for. I miss him more than ever. I think about him all of the time. He's always in my heart, a special little place in my heart that will never be replaced. 

2 guys that I loved deeply

I HAD A LOT OF HEART ACHE IN MY LIFE LOOSING A LOT OF PEOPLE , I HAD 2 GUYS THAT I REALLY HAD FEELINGS FOR NOT PUTTING NAMES BUT , ONE OF THEM I NEW FOR A LONG TIME AND WE WHERE LIKE BEST FRIENDS WELL COME TO FIN OUT I KINDA HAD STRONG FEELINGS FOR HIM BUT NOW HES GONE . AND THERES THIS OTHER GUY THAT I CANT GET OFF MY MIND THAT I WOULD DO ABOUT ANYTHING TO GET WITH HIM BUT 1 OF MY FRIENDS TOOK HIM BEHIND MY BACK AND NOW I DNT THINK I CAN EVER HAVE HIM AGAIN AND DATS THE HARDEST PART OF IT ALL AND IT HURTS , SO THATS MY STORY. I LOVE THEM BOTH DEEPLY .

-  Brook

Heartbreak

he was persistent.

i was hesitant.

i gave him a chance.

i fell in love.

we were together and it was wonderful.

he left me for his ex girlfriend, and i spent the next months pining for him.

when i finally thought i had moved on i heard from him again...they had broken up...i took him back.

now he is saying he wants me back...but doesn't act like it. i am completely and totally in love with him, so i can't turn away from him. i know i should draw the line. it's just tearing me up...knowing he is just using me to pass through when i'm hoping that it will last forever.

i love him. he doesn't love me back. that's the end of the story. 

The Happiest Days of My Life

The soft morning light of the summer shined through my window on August 30th. My best friend was driving over to my house so we could doll up for the music festival that was three days long ahead of us.  Like two normal teenage girls, we giggled and gossiped as we applied thick rock star-like eyeliner and light scarves.  

Our first stop was my boyfriends house.  He got us free tickets to this event.  Recently, he was acting weird.  He pressured me to do sexual things I knew I wasn't ready for at that age.  We took the tickets from him, and with a kiss on the cheek we promised we'd meet up later.   

We entered the festival with grins on our faces and curious eyes.  The day passed quickly and soon it was the evening: the time our most anticipated concert began.  As we pushed our way though the crowd to the near front, we saw a boy who was amazingly cute.  We pushed a little harder until we were right in back of him and his two friends, who were also very good looking themselves.  Soon enough, we all started up a conversation.  The tall friend introduced himself last and I didn't catch his name, but I was very interested in him. As soon as the music started playing, he stood right next to me and we talked throughout the concert.  The hypnotic music pulsed through our bodies and we danced.  He was so nice, he even had a really cool accent.  Eventually, at the end of the night, I picked up his name a number.  My friend and I agreed to meet the three of them the next day since we had free tickets.  Thoughts of my boyfriend never crossed my mind.   

The next day, my friend and I met the boys.  All day was spent laughing, tickling, joking, and going to day concerts.  He was so courteous; he didn't try being a gross, perverted boy as I was used to.  But when he asked my age, i made the serious mistake of telling him I was one year older than I was.  It wasn't too bad though, he was only two years older than I.  For the second time, the music of the night concert flowed through us and made his hands drift to my waist.  We swayed to the music together, a little slower than the fast beat like we were the only ones there.  And then suddenly as the music came to a sweet peak, he leaned around and kissed me first on the cheek, and then softly on my lips.  That was possibly one of the most magical moments of my entire life.  Later we went up into the sands and kissed some more.  We watched the concert and talked about his home country, back in Europe.  As stupid as it really does sound, we had so much to talk about and so much in common.

We sat around a fountain after the concert.  As he pulled me closer to protect me from the mist, I felt my heart tremble and eyes widen in excitement.  I knew that I liked him...almost too much than I possibly should.

The next day I didn't see him much until the night.  At that concert, we joked and hugged.  Afterwords, he promised me he would call me...I sure hoped he would. 

Just like a true gentleman, he called a few days later to ask me out that coming Saturday.  When we met up, we ran around on the sandy beach and kissed like lovers in the woods.  After that, we talked everyday and went our almost every weekend and sometimes saw each other during the week for about 3 weeks.  It was a night in late September when he asked me if we could make this official (of course my boyfriend and I were finished).  I was ecstatic to say the least. 

The next month we did so much together.  We went everywhere in our city.  Those big hazel eyes and freckles could get me to do anything.  When he said things, he meant it and you could tell from the sincerity in his melodic voice.  He looked at me with the sweetest expression, the one every single girl in the world wants to get.  He kissed me so sweet and so soft.  We laughed together like nothing else in the world mattered.  I know everything sounds cliche and so sappy, but it was all true.  I was falling in love for the very first time in my life.   

One night, we sat on top of a hill that over looked the entire city.  He took a picture of me with his camera, then looked away from the screen, and just looked at me with his lips slightly upturned.  "You're so beautiful."  Those words still bring a smile to my face every time I think of that moment. 

I saw him one more time after that day.  We had a magical night together; I was almost positive he felt the exact same way as me.  I felt like I was in love.  
The next night I was at a party at my friends house.  He asked me to meet him on a dangerous but busy street because he was lonely taking the bus home.  I said I could not, for it was far too dangerous, and yet he still seemed angry.   

The next day, we did not talk at all.  That night I was the one who had to instigate the conversation.  He was dismissive and cold.  I asked him if he was angry with me and he simply replied 'no', even though I knew he was lying.   

The next day went the same.  I was so nervous all day to talk to him.  He was still mean and cold.  Later at about 9 that night, he called me.  "I don't think we are working out" he said.  "What?" is all I could say.  He repeated his cold statement once more:  "I don't think we're working out.  "Oh. Okay.", I said, completely dumbfounded.  "Yeah well....bye".  Click.  That's the last time I've ever heard from him.   

It has almost been three months since he broke up with me, and I still feel heart broken.  I have cried every single day since then, i miss him so bad.  What did I do so very wrong?I remember him talking about how he's never had a happy Christmas season in the states because everyone lives in Europe.  I promised him that he'd have a great Christmas with me.  As Christmas day quickly approaches, my hear my heart beats a broken beat and I earn for him to just talk to me. All I want is an explanation.  The truth hurts,but I want to know.  My first love lost was sure painful.  I know I will find love again, but my heart still feels heavy.  If only he knows what has happened to me because of this.  The scars on my arm will stay forever, the fluctuation of my weight will effect my health forever, and the months of therapy ahead will remain a painful memory in my head.  Even though he broke my heart into pieces (or at least it feels like it), , I would have trouble saying that I couldn't take him back.  I am still in love with him, and I think I always will be, with my first love.  Those were the happiest days of my life, and I morn the loss like I've lost one of the most important people in my life.   

If I could say anything to him, I would say this:  ******, I love you.  Though I never spoke those words, I truly mean them.  If you could forgive anything I possibly did wrong, that would mean to the world to me.  I miss you and wish for your return back into my life everyday.  When I was with you, I was the happiest I ever was in my entire life.  I'd do so much.  I'd learn your native language just to tell you how much I sill love you in that language.  I'd run to you in the middle of the night just to prove that I care.  I would write you a song. A letter. Please, think it over.  I I think of you every minute of everyday.  I love you .  I miss you...  You forever remain in my heart.  

When love comes a callin'

One day, I was looking in my bathroom mirror,

I felt a sudden urge to break all the windows

and punch my self. ALL BECAUSE NO BOYS

WOULD EVER THROW ROCKS AT MY WINDOWS

AND I WAS PISSED! 

Then suddenly.....George called.

IT WAS HIM!

he came for me.

well, not really. He actually just called. BUT IT WAS THE MOST GLORIOUS CALL EVER. He asked me for my foundations honors homework packet answers. so we talked about dumb math, and then I asked him if hed ever kissed a girl before. and he hadnt, so I hung up. 

The next day at school I saw him at his locker so I kissed him.

I said, "Hey. now youve been kissed"

and then I went and hung out with my boyfriend, who was a huge jerk off because he wouldnt quit hitting on our spanish teacher.

so I broke up with him. 

Me and George have been dating now for 2 whole months. Were getting married just as soon as he drops out of highschool and joins his uncle in the auto painting industry. I currently have a lovely baby girl 4 months on the way. George waited a while to ask me out, but I still love him.

Infact, I love him so much, that I wiretapped all his phones just so I can save him from the FBI. or the men in black, hes an illegal alien, but I dont care. Ill run from all the border patrol in the earth just to stay with him. 

Recently, George and I have considered trying to get pregnant with a second child but sadly, we have failed. Im still pregnant with my first and were hoping that by trying as hard as we did for the second that we didnt mess up the first. I think were in good hand though. I've never been able to understand anything George has said to me, i dont understand Spanish but soon we will hire a translator for our cozy room/cupboard living situation in my parents house. My parents are not fully aware that im pregnant or that ive ever had a boyfriend. They think that at night when im talking that i just talk to myself.  Im not planning on telling my parents about any of this, and im hoping that our home delivery of our baby and the help of Georges doctor/auto mechanic skills will pay off. We will see. 

This year alot has gone on. I met the love of my life George and were still hiding from the police. Math still sucks and i cant wait to graduate from the 8th grade!

Is it love?

I use to be a pessimist when it came to romance, its not because i went through a bitter experience but because I never actually had one. I thought love is merely a motive or tool of human nature that we unconciously (involuntarily) utilize to preserve the speciese, this idea is nothing new it is an idea german philosopher schopenhaur believed. Yes, I am a philosophy major in college, philosophy use to be my thing and I was a pessimist as well. But oneday my dad decided to send my to Turkey for a college field trip which I decided to go anyways. At first I didn't want to go a week before the trip to Turkey because all I wanted to do i sleep at home in my own world. But My dad already paid for the ticket so I had no choice but to go. 

Now as I went to the airport to prepare for a lift off to turkey with a group of people who were also going I saw this girl from the distant. She was (and still is) beautiful and for the sake of my insecurity I keep her name anonymous. I don't know what came to my mind but I thought she was the most beautiful girl i'd ever seen but in reaction to that thought I decided to assume that she's arragont or egoistic (stuck up). I found out her real name and I decided that I should stay away from her. Why? because I heard rumors about her that she was the "bad girl" or the "naughty one". My friend told me (or warned me) not to fall for this girl, but the funny thing was I already did. It couldn't be helped.. But I only fell for her because I realize that the rumors about her were irrelevant because she's an already different person, in other words she changed.

I kept looking at her, I couldn't stop. I tried to stop. I thought I was crazy for looking at her so I told myself to stop or i'll get myself into an awkward situation. But in the jewelry storei was looking at the jewelries out of curiosity and I felt like someone was standing next to me. I looked at who it was and it was her looking at some of the jewelries. I begin looking at her, and she then started to look at me. Embarrassed I turned my head and walked away. 

After the trip to turkey my friend (another firend) called me. We begin to talk and he aksed me if ther ewas anyone in the trip I liked. I told him that there was this girl (you know who) whom I liked and my friend tried to "interrogate" me. He made me admit that I had feelings for her which I initially denied. 

From then on my life wasn't the same. I begin thinking about her 24/7. I tried to stop thinking about her because at the time I wasn't really familiar with that feeling i had, and i didn't know what it was called at the time. Is it love? or is it obessions? My friends kept telling me that this feeling i was having is natural, but i couldn't accept that because its too strong for me to consider it as "normal". I was scared of what I felt and it was only recently that i discovered that the only reason why i was scared of this feeling is because it reminded me of a similar situation when i was "in love" with this other girl long time ago. I burried that memory long time ago, probably into my unconcious level. My feelings for the girl now reminded me of the girl in the past, and thats what freaked me out. 

But that didn't change anything. There were so many timese when I had the chance to take the opportunity to talk to her and develop a relationship, but at the same time i was simply too scared to get close to her. Rejection, disapointement, shame, a broken heart, and all other emotions are things i want to avoid. I always saw myself as detached and reserved, unwilling to be close to something. It was my deep attraction (or feelings) for her that went into a constant battle with my other personality that wants to avoid clsoe relationship. I wanted to be with her but at the same time I didn't. I was also scared to talk toher because I keep having dreams that when I try to talk to her she simply ignores me, and that really hurts.

What's ironic is she's been to most of the school i've been to and she lives near my neighbor hood, we went to the same middle school and the same highschool, and now the samecollege.She's a daughter of one of my favorite professors .Its funny how chances may deceptivelly disguise itself as the veil of fate or destiny, but;in reality everything is really by cause and effect, action and reaction, motion and interntion, laws of physics.

Right now i'm trying to get over my feelings but its really hard.I think about her so many times that it becomes a habit, and as we all know habbits die pretty hard. I wish I had the courage to tell her how I feel or at least talk to her and slowly develop a relationship I so desire, but that might never happen since its been a long time I talk to her. Is it love? It could have been if i gave it a chance to find out but I guess it'll remain a mystery for the rest of my life. 

Losing the ones you Love

I first saw him in 2005 when we were at the store, coming from a small town you knew almost everyone that is noticeable. He was standing tall & lanky in his black jacket. In my head I could picture him turning towards, stretching out his hand to lead me into the sunset! Well that dream disappeared when he strolled past me to leave the store.

Two days later, we met again & this time I got the courage to say hi to him at the local casino while watching a football game...from then on I think it was safe to say that we were hooked on each other...months went by with our solid relationship. 

In 2007 I moved away to another town for work purposes and our relationship took a huge strain as we never have been apart from each other. This was in May month when I started my new job by the end of July we had totally lost contact and were leading separate lives on the 25th of August the same year he called me to tell me he misses me and wants us to work things out, he had gotten a transfer to the same town as me as a surprise, I was over the moon as I had news of my own to tell him, I was expecting our baby, I had only found out two afternoons before he called.
 
The same day he called he insisted on seeing me so that afternoon at knock I drove home, I was really excited as I had news of my own for him. I got home pretty late and I thought I would rest and see him the next day.

In the morning I got calls that I missed from his mobile and text messages and there was one particular text message that touched me, he told me he loved me so much and that he will until the end of time and he prays to God that I will never stop loving him because that is the one thing he ever cherished in his world. He never said goodbye always said cheerful things like see you later alligator or until soon. his mobile was off I started to stress I started to have pains in my stomach...then the call came in, my brother his best friend broke the news to me, He got involved in a car crash and didn't make it...my baby didn't too!  

It took me months to come to terms with it, still not easy, but writing this story just is prove that I'm healing...

The blessing is father & son are in God warm embrace together. May their souls rest in Peace

True story...

This is a story about a friend of mine. I love her dearly and feel as if her story needs to be told to as many people as will listen. She was a very sad girl most her life and she never really had anyone to relate to due to her hard circumstances. Her parents were addicts and this left her with few people who could possibly understand what she was going through. 

She longed for someone, anyone to give a damn about her. She would hope and wish that someday a person would come along who would understand her and love her for who she is, even though she was a little messed up and had a habit of crying over everything and nothing.  

One day her prayers were answered. 

She met a boy. She met a boy who was just like her. Lonely and misunderstood. They got along instantly.  

For a year they were together, only friends of course. and in this year they went through everything together. Deaths, break ups, they both had junkies for parents so whenever things got hard they would lean on each other and cry into each others arms. She was in love for the first time in her life.

But how do you let your best friend know something so profound?

This was a love she had never felt before, deeply consuming, confusing and all encompassing. This love bordered obsession. She thought about him every hour of every day. She would daydream about running away together and living like two free birds entwined in an everlasting love. all along never letting him know of her deep feelings.
 
Things began to change after a year. He started to withdraw from her. They barely spent anytime together anymore.

He started to use drugs.

He would drink himself into the hospital.

He began to cut and burn himself.

Never did he tell her of these things until she would see the cuts or burns.

Until she would call him and he would be so off his face he wouldn't even know his own name. 

With his abscence she began to slip further and further into depression. She would self harm and later he would introduce her to drugs. Things became out of control. She loved him more than her own life and continued to be blind to his cruelties. He would leave her waiting for hours in the city all alone...just waiting. he started to act as if he didn't care about her and as  if his distance was caused by her. She would constantly question him as to why he even spent time with her anymore because she felt so worthless.

This would upset him so much he stopped giving her an answer. This in turn made her feel that he was only using her for drugs

This continued until one night they found themselves wrapped in there first kiss together. She was estatic. he was semi drunk and stoned at the time.

This would be his excuse later on when she inquired as to why he kissed her. The random acts of making out continued for months until she couldn't take it anymore. She asked why they hadn't gone out yet and if he wasn't intersted why did he kiss her? Once again she didn't get an answer from him. So she continued with loving him and sacreficing for him.  

One night she was feeling unbeleiveably hurt by his apathy towards her and she text him saying goodbye and goodluck in life. and geuss what?

He didn't care.  

she was doing good giving up her worst addiction until a freak storm passed through the area tearing off roofs of houses and injuring people. so consumed with  worry and fear she text him to see if he was ok.

He was fine but she would not be. She stayed in contact and eventually got him to admit to her that what she did hurt him. She of course felt guilty.

Things went back to how they were before. sad and unfufilling.

Out of the blue one day he tells her that he is moving out of the state. This crushes her. She is going on a family holiday in three days and by the time she gets back he would be gone. She tells him that she wants to see him the day before she leaves. Her plan is to tell him how she feels.  

The next day she tries to call him. no answer. she tries and tries for days but no answer. Finally the night before she leaves . His phone is answered.

All she hears is him yelling "go away! you stupid slut and stop calling me!!"

He had never spoken to her like that. So disstraught and tearful at this outburst, she takes a razor to her wrists. She dies with the phone in her bloody hand.  

He wasn't the one who had answered the phone. He had lost his phone at a concert the last night they had spoken. Someone else had found it.

HIs plan was to see her and tell her why he has been so out of control. He had bi polar. He also loved her with all his heart.  

This is a true story. It all happend to a close friend of mine.

Just goes to show that now is always the best time to tell someone you love them...You should never wait.

Chased by the ghost of yesterday past

Yesterday when i was 16 years old, now 33,i fell for a young boy 18, that now is 35 and now is my ex-husband too,he was my fantasy come true. See when i was 16 and before i met my night in shining armor i had a beautiful baby boy, i got pregnant at 15. I was ashamed of me not my son.I felt bad and lost but when i met him, that guy, that float when he walked with a angel face and a tongue that could not tell a lie and that except me and my child and never looked at me out of a judging eye, i was enthralled by this and never new what hit me from their he took my breathe away. He gave me something that i should of gave him, he's virginity, but he told me this after the fact. I told him if he would of told me that before the fact  I would of never laid with him because i felt that he should share his first time with someone that was as pure as him.,he reassured me that he thought it out and new i was the one to share this sacrifice of love with I felt blessed by his reasoning and he made it easier to excepted. Al thought I was young when I had a baby  I loved the lord but guilt and shame made it hard  for me to hold my head up but  I decided to go back to church even if that meant giving up my night and shining armour. One day I felt it was time to tell him that I made the choice to go back to GOD even if that meant losing him, but much to my surprise he was where i was at, a cross road of decision in our life to do the right thing so I joined his church and enjoyed every minute of it I was feeling better about my life. This young man love me so much that he never wanted me out of his sight my mother told me something was wrong with this picture but i reassured her it was because he loved me so much, how young dumb. I married him because it was the right thing to do in the sight of GOD! I was 18 and he was 20 when we got married. things got worse he began to accuse me of cheating even with people in the church making scene OH by the way i became with child again at 17 this is one of the factor why we got married and also i loved him but my night in shining Armour drained my youth  broke me down and left me for another young lady  and got married to her, told me i was no longer his soul mate before they got married the day he decide to call me up on the phone and make me aware of him leaving me for her we had our problems but i always felt we could work Thur anything i was wrong he walked out my life march 12 1995. Sometimes he will try to see whats going on in my life in his own way. I have gone on with my life and had another beautiful child that has added to my life but still at times i can feel the same hurt like  when he walked out my life for the first time with such hate and disregard  for what i Thought we shared together I never regret for marrying him i just regret for how it turned out, but life has gone on for me and him but at times not the hurt, DEC15,2008

I saw him,met him,and ended up hurt ,but then something good happend!

well it all started when we started high school...i met him but we didn't talk,he use to talk to this guy who i hated a lot... he was so so so cute,but he didn't noticed me,then i told my guy friend to introduce me to him but instead asked him out for me i said no because idk him.so a couple of months past it was almost my birthday a week left,so my bother who goes to school with me who talked to him said if he wanted to go bowling for my birthday so he said well she didn't asked me yet...so i did he said yes! after that we talked but not a lot...knowing that the girl i hated liked him and he liked her we are close friends no matter what....it came to my birthday when we first kissed got really close and became friends with benefits! we kissed hugged hold each other tight always talking until one day i was at his house and we DID IT! i was so scared but he denying it just to keep her lose [ i hate her so much ] he said he didn't but my period hadn't come so i took a test and found out i was pregnant! i was really scared but i told one of my really close friends who liked me and couldn't believe it he said he a jerk he went to go beet him up and i haven't talked to my baby father,my new baby father is my really close friend he had liked me and said hell wanted to be my babies father so i told my parents they were so mad but i didn't care their was someone who cared..and he loved me so i moved in with him liked him deeply and treats me so nicely not letting me go not one bit,hes always their with me i just regret one thing meeting that jerk but i don't regret is meeting me close friend i love him dearly knowing hes going to be the best father ever ily!![what happened to him and her well they went out but when she found out i had her kid she broke up with him and didn't talk to him she hates him so much she called me to see how i was doing and know we talk fixed our problem and is here for me every step now him we see him but we don't talk im just glad im met my true love who is here for me and my baby..!]if your reading this i want to let you know don't ever fall for any boy because the right one could be right in front of  you and you might not notice..so if you have any questions.. ask just send me an email to: tweetyfranco13@yahoo.com okay no worries or just ask here leave a comment okay well thanks for reading my story hope you under stand..bye

What will become

I met him in high school by the tree in the courtyard. We were sixteen. He was tall and so handsome.

One day I rode the bus home with him and we walked in the woods behind his house and came upon a creek. We both threw pennies in and made wishes.

From that day on we were inseperable. We went camping in vermont with my family and had the best summer at the lake. We were always together. He was my best friend.

We were so in love. One night, he rode his bike to my house all the way from his about 20 miles just to see me. We even lost our virginity to eachother. There are so many more memories that are too much to write.

It didn't last long. I was young and foolish and I broke up with him.

Almost 3 years after that our lives crossed again but only a short fling. We were 19. We lost touch. I missed him and thought about him from time to time but I eventually moved on.

Then just a couple of weeks ago my friend, who also was a friend of ours in high school, ran into him at the bank. They swapped #'s and my friend told me all he could do was keep changing the subject back to me. So, I called him and it's like old times again.

We have no grudges and he wants to hang out again. I am so happy. We are both 23 now and I still feel the same way about him today as I did when we were in love back in high school. I just don't know if he feels the same about me. My best friend thinks he does but you never know, we're grown now and I'm sure we've both changed.

I will update this in either the love story section or the heartache section. I really hope it will be the love story section.

Once in a lifetime

I have had 4 men in my life - but I have only been in love one time, one incredible time.

I am old enough to know that we only get a chance at real love once. The kind of love that brings passion into your soul, and makes you smile at every thing around you. The kind of love that makes you thank God every night for blessing you so.
I ruined my chance, but I will always be thankful that once before I die, I was able to know what it felt like.
If you have a soulmate, cherish them, respect them, honour them, and hold on tight....
I love you Gary, and I always will........

The unexpected fall for you

I always thought that love stories were just in books....

  it all began when i was about nine my house had this huge backyard gigantic in fact. This boy moved in next door he was really annoying i could hardly stand him and that skateboard of his! we always fought despite the fact i was younger a year we kept fighting.One day i told him i 'hated' him and i wish he would disappear. Four days later i didn't see him even at school. 

  I even began to miss him and that stupid skateboard. On my first day of ninth grade i saw him again he walked away like i had killed him. i was flustered i just wish he'd tease me again that was better than nothing!

    i did well in school so i skipped a grade and we were in the same classes.

When Ms.Menchew assighned us seats i got one next to him. He didn't look too excited. When i got home i kept getting mixed feelings did i really like him? I got the guts to head over to his house.

    I ran over to his house. His mother opened the door she wasn't too excited about seeing me either but i had to do it! he came down stairs an was giving be a bored look. "lets go outside."he said to me. I was shy which i had never been like near him. 

  we began to talk he seemed okay by me. Then i remebered how many other guys i had dated. He knew what i was thinking of. He flipped ove his skate board for me to read:                                                                           

if you were broken what were you to do?

if you love something more than your prized possesion what would it be?

is 'love' stronger than 'hate'

    I knew what it was about i knew it and ket silent. my face was hot i was crying i didn't care if he saw me crying. I felt his arm around me i felt like pushing him of like we were still nine but i felt like holding on to him at the same time. "do you love me anyway kaylie? or do you want me to disappear

like when we were nine?" he said letting me know he was still there.

    "Ethan i do like you but i knew you'd forget......." i began.

" i remembered that i still like you and since the momment i saw you i did and i never will until the we grow old together or just kill eachother like when we were nine." he said. 

    That night was the greatest day of my life. we are currently going out and don't plan on killing eachother!

Hopeless soul

Bitch whore slut..that's what my ex called me .i loved him with all my heart but he kept hurting me time and time again. he always accused me of cheating and after months i finally gathered enough courage to breakup with him.i cried the first couple of days thinking i was foolish thinking he'd change back to when we were in love..3 weeks after my horrible experience with my ex, my 6th grade crush hit me up saying he couldn't hold it in anymore he liked me alot and eventhough its been months since i've seem him ,he stilll feels and thinks of me the same. hes words were so sweet ,things i havven't heard in so long, i was vonerable and started going out with him..im a week into our relationship and i have no desire to love him, i can't, my ex took all i had and now im just living a lie, telling my current boyfriend i love him when i don't .dont get me wrong im trying to find something to adore him for but i can't.  im just a lost soul.. its funny though, my ex stalks me now and says he regrets all that he has done and loves me.. 

L0ve is blind

There was a blind guy who hate himself because of being blind.He hate everyone except his girlfriend.One day the guy said that if he can only see the world he will marry his gf.One day someone donate eyes to him and den he saw everything including his gf.His gf asked him.Now that u can see,will u marry me? The guy was shocked when he saw that his gf is also blind.And he refuse to marry her.His gf walk away with tears and said"just take care of my eyes"

Dreams do come True!

In my disco days i was told by the gossipping crowd at school and by a mutual friend that this older boy liked me...

i only being a young teenage was flattered and began to think of this boy in a different more appealing light and imagined us as a couple and got way to far ahead of myself as my imagination ran away with the thoughts of my first real love!our mutual friend john had said Darren (the boy) had mentioned me ages ago so i soon persuaded myself that it was just a whim and that it couldn't possibly still think this ,being the UN-confident teenager i once was......so when a disco came around that we were both going to i just disregarded that i had ever heard of his lust for me and when on in being my mad bubbly self ....when i was in the middle of a full on dance session with my girls(we have all done it) john came up to me after greeting me with a life threateningly tight hug said..........."i have a surprise for you" ..........me being my ditsy self said"oh i love surprises! so we walked, well skipped  over to a corner of the night club............and standing there was Darren looking nervous and awkward yet striking!my heart had just about caught up with the new events and it took off into a sprint and i swear it would have won any race!!Realising John had transformed into Cupid minus the giant nappy i gave him a threatening stare but i couldn't mask the sheer excitement in my eyes as they glistened at the memory of my dream!Cupid slyly danced of clearly delighted with the nights work and i was left standing there across from the achingly handsome boy!He stood there slouched in a cool lay-ed back way which made me go weak at the nobly knees.His shaggy brown hair  was whipped back in a messily gorgeous fashion! His chocolate brown eyes pierced me! they were like a bee to honey,like a moth to a flame.I briefly wondered if he was really staring at my lips are did that only happen in the movies??WE stood staring at each other spaced apart as if a deep black hole divided us!i was left forgetting how to move, to speak or even breath.But my body soon remembered what to do and he set into motion just as i did it was as if a horn had started a race!We swiftly  inhabited the no mans land between us and were once again still in a time stopping stare! neither one of us wanting to break first.UN-knowingly we have moved within inches of each other!we stood inches away from each other i could feel his cool breath on my skin.We just stood there not in an awkward way just as if taking in this fairy tale moment.Darren then let out a groan and reached for me!he held me in a tight embrace as we gently kissed.i completely turned to mush.while still in our enchanting embrace he slow turned me around so i could rest my  back against the wall and lean my weight there.he moved one hand to the wall beside my face and kept the other in a light grip around my waist.The kissing was soft and gently but filled with  Passion which felt like it had been bottled up just waiting for this moment.My arms hung around his neck as we kiss for the rest of the night in the corner  as my dream unfolded .

A choir for our love

About ten or so years ago in St Paul. My future to be wife and I, who had been spending a lot of time together, realized that we had fallen in love. We happened to be together one day doing something I can't remember.

One of us suggested a walk in the park. We hopped in her van and drove to a park nearby us in East St Paul.

When we arrived there was a school bus and a sign reading something to the effect of "Hmong christian choir." The choir was gathered together under the parks permanent large gazebo area. I was a little disappointed by this as it was lightly raining and I was hoping we could find a little shelter under it and be alone at the same time. Instead we went for a walk around the paved path that led around the park. We stopped by a stream that ran through the park and watched fish swim about for a short while and then headed off to a more secluded spot.

When we were comfortably alone we stepped off the path into the trees and bushes and proceeded to embrace and exchange deep passionate kisses and "I love yous." We were still young, quite clearly in love, embracing each other alone among the trees in a park on a lightly rainy and lightly foggy day. It was cold enough to see your breath a little and it gave us a great excuse to embrace and keep each other warm. This was new love.

So imagine the situation. Young, in love, in a light rain, on a light foggy Grey day, alone in a park, embracing each other, kissing deeply and exchanging heart felt compliments and endearments.

And in the background a choir singing church songs.

It really was pretty.

One not so GREAT LOVE

I was young, silly, naughty but innocent.. during my high school days I'm not like any other students who do their homework's and study during week nights. i usually go out with my older buddies and hang around the park and get drunk. . but yes! i got my high school diploma! then on college i always got to school late,no homework's done.then i dropped out and find myself back home again. finally! no school! nothing to do but hang out with myself and do what i want..

till sembreak came! when my best friend VINCE was with this sexy beautiful girl.. i was just 17 back then and she was 21.. my best friend introduced us.. and when i got her name i snapped! and shouted what!! (she was ANGEL the girlfriend of my bro's friend) then i asked them does Chris know? they answered maybe.. we don't care cause he doesn't even care that were together everynight. (WOW)

the sembreak was like 2weeks i think. we party everynight,drink and have fun. one night i was with VINCE and ANGEL and vince got his self so drunk and i noticed that angel was flirting with me.. i really didn't care. when i got home, i went straight to bed but then my phone rang.. it was angel.from then on everytime my phone rang i know it would be her calling.

one afternoon vince visited me at home.. asking if i heard about MARY (his ex girlfriend)because he saw her. then i called up mary and asked her if she wanted to go out with vince again.. they did go out . but then angel called and said that i need to help her with something but we end up in watching a movie . after the movie we saw vince and mary holding hands. angel cried but then smiled and said i wanna get drunk! so lets go and have a night out! i was fine with it! all expenses paid when I'm with her.we got really drunk,i brought her home and led her to our guest room when she accidentally puke on the bed and on her dress so i have no choice and brought her to my room and i let her borrow a t-shirt. i was so scared i don't even know why.. i was waiting for her to fell asleep before i lye down. i was so nervous when i felt her hugging me.. i was thinking, I'm a guy and every guy would want to be in my place right now... we kissed and she told me that she loves me.. i stood up and went out of the room and i fell asleep outside her door. she waked me up and told me goodmorning babe, i better go.. and kissed me.

i thought to myself why not play with the fire? behind that angel name she had the hots for me..and got 2 boyfriend 3 including me.. so i took a bath and went to vince and told him everything.. i ask permission to date her and apologize coz i, too! had the hots for her. vince and her broke up an hour after. i decided to go with the flow.. chris now knows that i was angels other new boy friend. but still was ok with it. me and angel talk a lot not just about us but we talk about everything she was a package deal for me, a hot girlfriend,a best friend, a mother, a lover and a banker. she gives me everything i want.

one night, we fought about what i wanted for her to wear.we broke up just because of that stupid little fight. she left me. at first i was okie.. i was fine with it.. i got out and got drunk i kept on calling her but there was no answer.i finally realized i loved her so much.

tomorrow came, still no answer.. i got the guts to go to her house and saw her with chris she told me its his time now, dont worry ill call u tonight.. the whole world came crushing down on me.. i was suppose to feel numb about it coz i already knew about it.but i was hurt. we talked things over and begged her to leave him because he's just palying with her and she stood and told me like you! you were just playing with me and end up loving me its just like that. I LIKE YOU but I LOVE HIM. i shared her with chris for a year and we were together for 2yrs only.. and dumped me for a boy who she just met online. SHE WAS EVERYTHING to me.. im now 21 yrs old,and she now has a baby boy.. but im still in love with her. lesson learned???? :nah!!!

-for my DAMNED ANGEL

-from you worst nytmare

One sided love

Everyday for the past month I have told myself what an idiot I am. The reason why I'm an idiot is because of myself. I have made myself the idiot I am today. I dated this guy for almost 2 years. He was my first love. While we were dating I let others influence me into thinking that he wasn't a good boyfriend when in reality it was me who wasn't being a good girlfriend. He loved me the way that I love him now, 3 years later. 

We both immediately started dating someone else when we broke up. I loved the guy I dated, but he just wasn't my first love. I think however the girl he dated he was madly in love with and still is. I think he is in love with the way she looks though not her personality. Her personality is definitely lacking! Then again, sometimes I think that is why I'm in love with him still. 

I have tried so hard to get over him, it's been almost five years of loving him. When I think about him I literally start aching. I want to be with him so bad. Well, after almost 3 years not really talking to each other, we went to a party together with some mutual friends and bam that night had sex. I could not have been more happy, confused, or hurt. I tried to talk to him about it but he was kind of hesitant (he's a bad talker anyway). He said he's trying to get his life together right now (which I believe because he really needs to!) and that he could see me as his wife not a girlfriend. I kind of took that as a lame ass excuse to turn me down gently. I feel like a dumbass. Now every time he comes in town we hang out and I stay at his house every time. Sometimes stuff happens and sometimes it doesn't. I just want to know what is going on and why I can't let go. I want to try, but then again I really don't want to cry because we make a perfect match. 

Last weekend we went to a party and all the guys were flirting with me and he kept trying to get my attention. What is that all about? I feel like I love him waaaaaay more than he does. He used to love me that way. He told me he doesn't love his ex anymore, but he has the same symptoms as me about him. 

I am so confused and all I think about is him. I want to feel like he loves me back. I want him to want me. 

My Immortal Love

Because I get excited too much at times I'm jumping into conclusion already, which is really not right. well I entitled my story as My Immortal Love(supposedly Not Another Jeff in my Life or Not another Jeff Story) because I've fallen for too many Jeff already and the thing is this one, "OUR" story really differs from the other Jeff's of my life...this may get you bored or make you yawn as you continue reading but I wish that you'll like this cause somehow, in some case you'll see yourself relating on my story.

Jeff and I met on this Cell phone Christian Chat site like I think almost two years ago already (I won't say the site name anymore to protect myself of course, haha) he buzz on me asking my ASL, and I was like talking to 6 or more unknown people back then but I still manage to greet him and answered his question (21-F-N.E) what abt. ur ASL? den he answered (M-21-Pampangga) so after that question we conversed on more sensible things (He's the most sensible guy that I've spoken with that day and I was too...haha) then afterward we are like chatting everyday for like three days until I think he was the one who ask for my number first and I asked for his number too. I was looking forward on him texting me but he didn't so I texted him first the very next morning and there you go we become text mates (cheap huh? no it's cool actually...and sweet) we became friends as time passes by and until five moths ago we really became like best buddies though we haven't seen each other yet. He’s like telling me his problem with regards of his GIRLFRIEND. yes he's got girlfriend (that took me some time to re-manage my feelings because as I have said on my very first line I've become a conclusionist that I have misinterpreted the way he talks on his messages but I manage to gather my shits again and talks like a modest damsel and become a lending ear and a crying shoulder for him, yup a martyr...put a bullet on my head, shoot me!) since then on I enjoyed replying his messages day and night every minute of the day as every seconds counts as my wall clock ticks, he become my addiction, something like a drug that you'll get used to...very addictive...I rushed every time I hear my phone beeps, hoping that I'll see his name on it (JEFF-1 new message)I was like giggling so happily. He's got a problem on her girl's mom though...I don't know the reason why the girl’s mom hates him so much that she even calls Jeff threatening and scolding him and saying hurtful things to him like "LEAVE MY FUCKING GIRL ALONE, YOU DON'T DESERVE HER GET LOST!" (of course I added up some line to make it more mean...haha) he recorded the whole call and after the mother ended the call he texted me and tell me the whole story, I was like so sad after hearing it, cause I won't like my mom scolding my man, who would want that right? that would be MEAN right? So two weeks ago I was so happy because we are like texting non-stop hahaha...I even dreamed of him the whole week I don't know why but I did. And guess what after wards the girl texted me, actually she had texted me before and was like so mad at me...she's jealous at me...I mean who's girl wouldn't be if they found out that their man has another text mate right? I think maybe his man even texting more than he is texting her...hahah...cause Jeff even say that "YOU WE'RE THE ONLY REASON I AM REGISTERING FOR UNLIMITED TEXT...YOU ARE THE ONLY ONE I WAS TEXTING, I WANT TO TALK TO SOMEONE...I NEED TO...CAUSE I REALLY WANNA SCREAM RIGHT NOW" there you go...he did tell something like that and I was freaking happy, I want to sit besides him and like comfort him, that very moment I want to steal him from her (JEFF BE MINE?)...I am hurting of course...I like him so much that I even cry...I've almost completely fallen for him...I didn't mean to but I can't stop myself...though I am really trying hard up to this moment. He's so sweet, like Cudbury- I'm getting use to you. Last night we are texting up till almost 1 in the morning and we were like talking stuffs till we've end up tackling his girlfriend's jealousy on me. I was like trying to stop myself from saying "WHAT THE FUCK! ARE YOU NUMB? Do you ever think When you’re all alone All that we can be and Where this thing can go?" I was like LYING when I said "TELL YOUR GIRL THAT I WON'T STEAL YOU FROM HER" (though I really really want to grab him and like steal him from her completely!) I was crying but then I manage to adore him for still being faithful to the girl somehow I guess? And because of his S-W-E-E-T-N-E-S-S and thoughtfulness. If only you guys can read his messages I think you will also jump off of your sit just to grab you phone and gave your face a big smile after seeing his message. I don't know why, but every time I try to keep my self off of him he'll come teasing me. I've made a couple or more LOVE POETRY for him; though I've put another man's name on it but it's HIM actually...It's Jeff. I'm already hurting that's why I know I'm beginning to love again...He thought of us as SOUL MATES I've thought of him as MINE other pair of Heart. If Only you can be mine, I'll keep you in my heart forever because I may die but not my love for you which will be forever immortal.