This Unique Girl

I never knew what was real love it was dry words to me at first I lost close family members in my life and I was alone growing up but all that got me to grow into the guy I am know...I become stronger I was done holding on to the edge off the cliff i saw the darkness and i was tired of it so i got my strength together and pulled myself up...but even then i felt empty inside.

 

Then I met this unique girl...you people wouldn't believe how amazing she is ,she has the most one of a kind personality in the whole univers no one could ever compare with her and i mean no one i never thought i would have this warm feeling when i was with her...we started out friends and i thought we where never going to see each other again or talk and everytime i would see her online i would think that she was busy and i didn't want to bother her.

 

Then after three weeks passed she invited me and i was happy to hear from her and then after that chat we started to talk more and more and i started to develope feelings for her but not just plain feelings actuall feelings like strong feelings that i never thought exitied and i was afrid to tell her because i thought she would never feel the same for me and as the days went by i found hard for me to hold it all in and i knew one day i wouldn't hold it in my feeling where ready to open...but then one day when i was about to give up this current song came on called crush and with that made me realize if i don't do it now i could lose her forever.

 

I finally told her what i felt for her and she felt exactly the same for me and she is my gf now and we have one month and three weeks together and i couldn't be happier she is my special girl and i hope one day all my work and suffering will pay off by being with her and spending my life with her what fells like a month feels like years with her and people i would go all limits for her i'm working a fulltime job just to get enough money to be with her one day and stay with her be with her and kiss her and hold her in my arms never letting go of her not ever again.

 

she is my sunset, my sunrise of a new tomorrow and that one special star that shines above more then all the rest. she is my everything my universe my point in living my breath my living soul, she holds the key to my heart without her my world would be upside down, she makes me feel like i can't even find the words to expalin it. but her is a poem that i wrote for her i hope you people like it band selena if you read this I love you so much never forgot that. I have a comitment to kepp with you my baby girl soon in the near future if god lets me live and lets me see the day my future wife.

 

                                      The poem

 

I want to dance with you for a life time

hold you close to my heart,

stop the hands of time

make the world give us a little more time.

 

To feel our bodies close sawying together

to music that only we can hear,

letting it sweep us into heaven

come, dance with me there

 

we'll dance forever; never let go

hearts in tune hand to hand,

building love between us

that we barely can stand

 

candles low no bright lights

our love will light the way,

come hold me close; dance with me

til the night breaks to day.

 

feel our bodies pressed close

as close as skin to skin,

open your heart to me baby.

The guy of my dreams

never thought i would ever fall for anyone. especially this hard.

i first met him in 7th grade. when his friend used to call me a "prostitute" but he was joking, of course. he lived a few houses away from my friend Ashley. first, he was dating this other girl. but i was over there one night when i was in 8th grade, and i was upstairs with him, alone with him in his room. he told me that he liked me and i was so excited, because he was so cute and everybody in school pretty much liked him. so we kissed, and then i left awhile after and went back to my friends house with her. eventually, he broke up with the other girl because he didn't really have feelings for her. eventually he moved kind of by my house.

we were good friends up until the beginning of 9th grade, when he first asked me out. i said yes, of course. for our first date, we walked to Wendy's. not that romantic, i know.. but it's the thought that counts. we were very happy, until i found out that he was calling my friend some bad names and i was upset about it. so we broke up for a few weeks.. and i met another guy named Jordan and he met another girl named Laura. so we were with the other people until we started talking again.. and he told me he truly does love me. at this point, i didn't love him but i did still have feelings for him so i decided to give him another shot.

we dated again until February, but i was so confused that i broke up with him because i liked someone else. which was very stupid of me because the other guy i liked didn't like me back. so when my friend got out of lockup, i didn't go see him that day because i had food poisoning. and he didn't go because he didn't have a ride. he called me that night, and asked if i had gone to see him and we started talking again like we used to. i was very happy and he came over to see me because i was really sick. he made me feel a lot better. after that, we kept meeting up at our other friend's house because he was on house arrest and couldn't go anywhere. i would flirt with him but i don't think he got the hint. I could tell he still loved me, but i knew he was scared that i would hurt him again. and i didn't want to hurt him either.

one night in March, we were helping our friend Nick babysit his little cousin, and we just totally hit it off again, like we did in the first place. So eventually, I asked him back out. He said yes. I was incredibly happy and so was he, i could tell. the same night, my other two friends started going out too. and it ended up we had no place to stay so we stayed at my friend's aunt's house and all 4 of us had to sleep in the same bed. but we cuddled, and it didn't really matter. i realized how much that he truly means to me.

we are still together to this day, we have been through ups and downs but i wouldn't have rather gone through it with anyone else. he has taught me so much and helped me through everything. i can't believe that i fell in love with him.. i'm just so glad that he feels the same way. and i hope that it stays that way. we plan on getting married and no one is going to stop us. i found true love when i was 15, and i'm proud of it! i've never felt this way about anyone else, and i never will. i have all i need.. all in him

Love makes you do crazy things

My sister had a boyfriend, and he was the greatest guy ever, he would make her laugh and smile anything a great guy would make you do. Weird as it happened I feel in love with him. I couldn't help it I needed someone like that in my life, he was the one who can make me happy and smile and everything I sad girl like me would have. I never had any boyfriends or anything, never went out with friends, I was probably the only girl in the world that didn't have any ones love except for my parents. Anyways my sister and him ended up breaking up, and by that time I haven't told him how i felt. That thanksgiving i send him a text message and told him HAPPY THANKSGIVING and he replied. Best Part. So at last he ended up asking me out and I agreed and it came to the part were I had to tell my sister what I just committed she got mad but eventually got over it. I'm not a bad person but when you fall in love YOU FALL IN LOVE you can't help it.the wonderful thing about this story is that till this day after two years we are still going out. And my sister has a new boyfriend that makes her happy and that's what love does. Trying to make a point that when you fall in love with someone don't be afraid to show it to that person, its all worth it at the end. 

Heart broken

i love you he kept saying and saying, i just looked down with a smile my heart beating and beating faster than i have ever imagined! i looked at him and said you couldn't not yet its to early. yes i do i do he replied nervously. time went by and i let my friend put thoughts in my head, he would get so angry over the time. i cried and cried because i loved him so much, why wasn't anyone wanting us to be together?

his old girlfriend lied to me saying she had spoken on the phone to him, him telling her he loved her, while with me. after more than a few times she did it, i walked away and he left me.

he couldn't take me swapping and changing my moods and always letting him down.

i love him more than i have anybody else. all i wanted was him and always him! i was confused after my ex ripping my heart out and leaving me previously, i never thought i could feel this way again, even stronger than ever.

as we broke up, i went to friends for advice and i told them what had happened, they told me his old girlfriend lied and never said that. i just bursts out in tears and walked away breaking my heart. now its to late to get him back. I'm scared he doesn't love me anymore and never wants to see me again. i wait by my phone and door for him. now i don't know what to do with myself, i seem to cry every second i can't get a hold of myself. so i just keep it all in side built up, trying to be strong! i don't know what to do. all i want is his love back and another chance with him. its not like not I'm sorry for not listening and saying i love you back, because i do! ill just you, because I'm no good for you. 

Why do i wait for her?

I had been with this girl, we will call her "Olga", for about 2 1/2 years when she broke up with me for another guy. I was heart broken for months. and when i asked her why she did what she did all she could say was that it was my fault. she told me the story of when we were together (ill time warp it to that day)  and it was my Lil sisters birthday and my good friend was going to be there (my good friend is a girl) and well her name is Jill. Jill is a real close friend to the family her parents and my parents are real good friends and Ive known Jill since i was 4 (I'm 20 now). and Olga had to work that day and didn't want me to be at my sisters birthday because she didn't want me to  be around Jill after i don't know how many times i told her that me and Jill are good friends and we have been for years. Olga didn't like that and said she would break up with me if i went. i ignored her and said " then do it your not going to stop me from being at my Lil sisters birthday party. she broke up with me but soon got back together but used that as an excuse to be with that other guy saying i never loved her and left her for that other girl.which i didn't and would accuse me of cheating on her with Jill which never happened. (time warped back to the present) i was heart broken for months till she then called me and told me how she missed talking to me and was sorry for what she said and did. she then told me that the guy that she was talking to had left her for another girl and spent the weekend at the island and left her. soon after that she had came over and lets just say "made up" and has been talking for about six months now but doesn't want to be with me and always leaves me with heart ache. she tells me that shes never going to be with me ever again and that us together is a waste of time. she tells me to leave her alone and i try heard to do so but she then calls me and it starts right back were we left off. and i don't know what to do just leaver her alone and try to forget her again or wait for her to come around. if you have any advice i would love to hear it!

I know i love you but do you love me....?

his name is Dom and he always loves the other girl but not me. i love him though he is the hottest guy in class he is so so so so so so nice and i wish he would realized he likes me too . we flirt every day and he just doesn't get it . and all the guys think Alyssa's  all that they think shes so nice and think shes so hot and i don't get it shes not that pretty not that athletic not any one of those to all the girls she is just another beep shes a brat and all the guys think shes so beautiful but really shes a  no joke it is so annoying i hate people like that i wish that when i woke up some day when im older i will  so Dom laying right beside me . will Dom and i work ever thing out or will he never realize ? and if Dom ever reads this it is true i do love you with all my heart! [ I'm 11 and in love people]

Torn between reason and feelings...

I've known him for several years now.  We went to college together, and now we are in grad school together in a new town, and I can't stop thinking that this is Not a coincidence.  When I finally grew the guts to talk to him Then, three years ago, and walked into the break room with some silly question and a smile ready for him I saw him with another girl... (btw I never liked her!  I was only thinking: why HER!!?? anyway)  They got married a few months later, and I made myself forget him, I knew that it is not right to break up happy families, happy couples in love, no matter what.  At that point I had somebody.  My senior year I met my future husband.

So a year later here we are in grad school!! I was so surprised, but happy to have someone I knew close by.  He seemed to be dedicated as ever to his marriage, and I was a happy newlywed too, and the times were nice and bright and happy... until...

My husband had to go to Iraq for a year.  I fell into Horrible depression - I had never felt sooo bad in my life!  ever!  I even diminished my goals in school and switched programs, just to make sure I do graduate, even if it is a weaker degree than originally planned for... I had suicidal thoughts, I gained weight, I became insecure and worthless.  I did not have many people around, because I was in a new town.  The sad thing was that my husband did not call much or send me messages or letters.  I wanted to share what was happening in my mind and in my heart with him,  but I never felt like he was near.  I was alone.

So I left town for the summer to be with my family, and I finally got better - happier, prettier, hopeful, independent, friendly, and attractive! :)  I did not need my husband anymore - I learned to be without him, and I do not want to let myself become so dependent on someones love Ever again!  The new school year was going to be excellent!

And that's when I became friends with my long forgotten crush! :) Turned out he divorced his wife - they had problems, as he said.  He was very sad about that, but it seemed like it was liberating and important to him. 

We became just that - friends.  We spent time together with mutual friends goofin' off, talking, joking around.  I loved those times!  I tried really hard to make every opportunity to be with my new friends.  I made many other new friends too, became active in different organizations, had so many hobbies that I barely had time for everything! I was so happy!  And as time got closer and closer to my husband coming back I felt exhilarated - my Love  was so close to being with me again, my happiness, my new family... 

But when he came back I realized I did not want him near.  He did not fit into my new life.  He wanted me for himself, it felt like.  He wanted me to spend days with his family, with him, doing things he likes, and for the first time I felt like I did not want to do those things!  I was a new person, and I did not want to change - I enjoyed the new me very much.  I realized that me and my husband did not have much in common at all - I did not like his jokes or conversation anymore, I did not want to watch his favorite shows or play his favorite games, and he did not seem to approve of much of what I thought was fun to do.  It was so strange to see just how clouded our perceptions of each other had been in the past.

I don't know when I realized I was in love, IN LOVE with my friend, but it was a very strange feeling - so forbidden, so inappropriate, but so peaceful.  I started counseling trying to figure out what was going on in my mind, why, and what to do.  I started to cheat on my husband - I started to have an affair, and I loved it.  I still am.  I have heard many people say that leaving a marriage for "a new love" is a very bad idea.  I do not quite understand why, but I do realize the key concepts to this rule... I want to say that He is not why I want to leave so much, but I am afraid He is.  This is not fair to Him, to my husband, but - you know what? - it is not fair to me either! I never thought this whole affair would hurt Me of us three more than anyone. I am tormented every day about what to do.  It may seem simple: if you love each other, then leave! But there are complicating factors: He is almost done with his graduate program and is leaving, He knows I am married. He is ready to move on.  He is looking for a big and fun job, for happiness.  I have just extended my program for another 3 years or so, so I am staying.  I am scared of regretting breaking up my marriage, but I Love him!  He does not know, at least I have not told him.  I do not know if he feels this about me either - I think if he did he would not tell me because I am married.

Please, forgive us.  We tried to resist our temptations, but we failed and fell into the blissful abyss of out affections...  I am hoping to see him tomorrow, cause my husband will be out of town.  I am a pig, but I do not care anymore - I feel happy when I am with Him...

My Sad Love Story

So one day my best friend Bailey and I were walking home from school and we were headed toward her house cause i was goin to sleep over...  Well there is this boy that i have liked since 2nd grade and i still like him...  Him, Bailey and i are really close and that night i had told him that i liked him over a text message cause he wouldn't answer his phone...  In the morning we were watching the news and it said that a 13 year old boy had died inn a car crash.  They said his name was Jake.  I looked at Bailey with tears streeming down my face, we held each other until our arms got sore...  One of Jake's best guy friend's came up to me and said that Jake really liked me but wasn't sure if I liked him so he wasn't goin to ask me out.  i was hurt and i wanted to scream.  Ever since that day whenever i liked someone i tell them right away cause i don't want to go through the same thing twice and it has worked for me cause the guys like me back.  Just don't hold back and tell people how you feel about them. 

Do you wait or move on?

I'm young and i fell for one of my best friend over a year ago, but we both had partners. he finally told me one day that he liked me, i said i couldn't because i had a boyfriend i cared dearly about. so we both just carried on being friends.

time pasted by and by. as we grew apart our lives changed incredibly different, but we spoke every few months, when we bumped into each other.

as we both broke up with our partners we began to speak on a regular basis. it came up to his birthday, i went to another party and my best friend went to his. as of the next day i saw her, she said he will not stop talking about you, it drove me crazy! i was confused but happy, because my feelings were still there. as we caught up more and more and we grew closer and closer, we decided to give it ago FINALLY. his ex found out we were together ( my ex friend) and she began to make up rumors and rumors to break us up. i fell hard really hard for him, i honestly never thought anyone could ever feel this way about another, id only saw it in movies. i couldn't take the abusive calls and messages from her and her friends anymore. we started to fight on regular basis and he cried please don't listen to her i love you. it was always in the back of my mind, her voice i tried so hard but she wouldn't go away. in the end he broke up with me because id drifted apart from him and he couldn't take us fighting anymore. he has a new girlfriend and i break my heart continuously day in and day out. i don't have the guts to tell him i still love him and want him back. i realised she was just playing games and i let her win. all i wish for his him to just appear back into my life. all i want to say to him is: I'm so sorry i love you more than you could ever know, only if i knew what i do now then.

Save me

i was so inlove with a girl named jane. back then no one can separate us even her mom.. her mom wont approve to our relationship because i was nothing compared to them. i wasn't every girls dream i had no car and no cash. all i can offer her.. is my love,my faithfulness, and my life. we were together for 4 years. sadly it didnt last longer than i thought it would.. she left me. the day before my birthday she dumped me. i dropped down on my knee begging her to change her mind, i was so hurt. i cried so hard but she didnt even care.she said that she fell out of love for me. a few days passed i still cannot believe that we were not together anymore. i gathered my strength and courage to face her mom and ask about her. i went to her house and find her chatting with someone online, gladly her mom wasn't home, i had the chance to talk to her, begging and kneeling infront of her still it didnt work.. she touched my face and said. see him.. (a guy on the screen of her computer) he's jeff and i met him online, we are chatting for almost a year now and last week we realized that we are ready to meet in person and have a relationship together, and i had to do this. this is for my family and for me too.. i am really sorry. do you like him?, i asked. whats not to like?, she replied. i had a mixed emotion back then i was so angry and so hurt with what she said. im not numb if thats what she thinks. those words of her killed me. i snapped, i stood up and went for a glass of water. instead of drinking it i poured it on the monitor and cpu of the computer. and she was so scared of what i just did and yelled for her dad. i took control of everything i hugged and kissed her so hard because i knew it would be the last time that i could feel her in my arms and on my lips. then his dad came running after me. i was ready to face everything that he got. i stopped running and faced him. he punch me right on my left eye and i fell. i stood up again and yelled is that all you got?? and punch me back on the ground,stood up again and shouted! kill me you bitch!!(pointing to jane) i have given everything to you! my life! my friends! my family! me!! you are everything to me! you are my life! i have nothing else. i have no more friends thanks to you! and now my family hates me thanks to u again! and ull just leave me with nothing??? i am sorry if i haven't given you expensive things but i still make everything special for all occasions that we had. i just cant understand why you wont even hesitate to give me another chance. and fell on my knees again.. her parents listened to everything i said and they can really see how i felt for their daughter. before i left, i asked permission to hug her and apologize.. and left her a note saying: you are my life pls save me.

i waited for hours, days, weeks for her reply.. and realized that their will be no one to save me at all. after a year.. i have been in and out of the hospital trying to save myself from my misery...now.. im still on the process of recovery.. trying to get myself busy with online games and everything. it has been 2 years...im still not over her.

_would someone please save me?

Love Conquers All

I'm 18 and the guy I like is almost 13. We met about nine months ago at air cadets and didn't really start getting to know each other until about four or five months ago. I knew that he liked me from the way that he acted around me and he called me pretty all the time. It was kind of obvious.

He somehow got my phone number and started calling me and it kind of went from there. We became close and I knew that he really liked me and I liked him too and I decided to ask him out. So I did and we went out for about five days before I got up the courage to tell my mom and she told me to dump him because she thought I was making a mistake in going out with someone 6 years younger than me. So I did dump him and he cried because he loved me so much. We didn't even get to see each other in those five days because he lives an hour away from me and we only have cadets once a week. We decided to become friends with benefits. 

We've become really close now and we want to go out again we're just not sure when we should go out. His mom told him that she was OK with us going out. My mom thinks he's too young. It's not fair. She doesn't even like us hanging together too much. He's more mature than a lot of my friends. I've lost a couple friends because of this because they judged us and thought it was wrong that I was in love with a 12 year old. Still I've stayed with him through everything because we love each other and if my friends can't support us then they weren't really friends to begin with. It's been hard to stay together but we've managed. A few people (one of my ex boyfriends for one) have called me a paedophile but I don't care what other people think and neither does he. He loves me and wants to marry me when he's 18 and I'm 24. We have 5 years to go, I just know we can make it. We truly love each other. 

Age used to matter to me but now it doesn't obviously. I just wish people would stop judging us and let us be together in peace and leave us alone. Thanks for reading my story.

My Angel

My life has been painful, I have lived in a home that was full of anger. My parents had an unhealthy relationship that soon ended up in a divorce. But even after the divorce it got worse. My mom and dad were in the phase of now its my time to enjoy life. My parents put me and my brother on the back burner. It was hard especially for my brother. But both of us turned to friends for support. During this time I also had a dream that someone would save me from all my pain. I wished I would have someone to lean on, I searched long and hard for it. I dated more than enough people, most of the time it would barely last 3 months. For 5 years of my life I tried hard to find myself. I was the rebellious teen, an artist with a dark side. My sadness was always around, even though I had a happy personality towards others. I was sad inside, I felt like no one really understood me.  

I moved away with my mom and began studying at a different high school. I met many wonderful people. I met this guy named Roman, we began to date. He was European, from Ukraine. The parties were amazing, full of fun, everyone was friendly. Me and Roman didn't really work out but we stayed friends. I dated a couple other friends from the group but nothing ever really clicked. I stayed friends with everyone and would party with everyone from time to time. During the time I spent partying with the group, I would always see this attractive tall guy who would come around, his name is Roman also. His nick name was Zman. I never really associated with him though. I would see him from afar, and the very few times i spoke to him, he seemed very full of himself. I am not the type to associate myself with people like that. Anyways I heard rumours he made some girl cry, I thought he was gay. He seemed like the type because he never really associated with girls, well when I would see him. 

Anyways I never would really pay attention to him until one day. It was the day my mom was going to get married. I was all dressed up a bit too early so i decided to check my email. I noticed on facebook, I received a poke from this guy Roman. When I viewed the photo I realized it was Zman. He msged me asking me if I wanted to come to a party on the weekend. I replied sure, I thought he was inviting me to add more girls to the party I never thought he had any interest in me. I had a car that weekend since my parents were on their honeymoon. I was forbidden to take the car. But I did anyways. I couldnt miss out on this party. I gave Zman a ride, in the car he explained his ex gf would be at the party. I was worried people would get the wrong idea about me and Zman. There was nothing going on. During the party I tried to stay away from Zman, because of the fact his ex girl friend was at the party, I didn’t want to be involved. Unfortunately Zman followed me everywhere I would go at the party. I am a smoker and he came outside and smoked with me even though he is not a smoker. I could tell he was a non smoker, I thought it was cute. I started to get the hint he had a thing for me. He ended up to be nothing like I thought he was. He is the most romantic kind hearted person I have ever met. That night he told me how amazing he thought I was, deep down I had the instinct to go for it. I am so happy I did. He is truly my angel, we are engaged now and my heart is full of love for him. It will always be, I always spent so much time looking for Mr. Right, but he found me before I did. 

When will you realize my worth???

I cant help myself but wonder why i get to love a guy like him. i don't like the way he loves me.he's to self-centered and don't care about the way i feel.he just want me to do all the things he want me to do,his word are our rules.

sometimes i feel tired trying to understand everything with all my heart and wisdom as long as i can.i feel like a prisoner who was put in jail and have had a life sentence for choosing him as the man whom I'm going to love.

it feels like that i'm stuck into an island  where i could never escape.

I'm having a hard time loosing up since i have already gave a part of me to him.

its just that i love him so much that though I'm now into such situation like this, i still cant afford to lose him.

10 months of heartache

My first love was everything I asked for, loving, kind hearted, corny but knew how to make me laugh. We loved each other but for some reason he  didn't have trust. After just 3 months of going out I noticed some changes, he questioned everything i did. Whenever I ate, or went to the bathroom, it was getting out of hand, yet I loved him and it didn't bother me until... he started calling me a whore. I cried...and of course he'd say sorry for calling me that, After time he started calling me a bitch and slut if i didn't respond to his ridiculous questions. He knew I'd never cheat on him or do anything to harm our realtionship yet the name calling went on.After time it was a daliy routine ,i cried, he'd say he'd change(the routine went on). He even wrote me love notes from time to time. After months of disappointment and pain i started to grow weiry of his presents and just couldn't take the accusing anylonger. i started to scream yell and cry everytime he asked if anyone was over. i just couldn't understand why he would even ask these questions after 8 months of comitting to each other like we did. Before when we were close friends  I could see the rest of my life with him and end our lives with"the Notebook." But that wasn't the case. Now ten months down the road i wonder if he wouldn't have or if i should have done something different, I'm only a junior in highschool but i had enough heartache for my lifetime.

Wat can i say???

Few years ago i met this guy online,

we become friends and after few more months we end up into deeper relationship...and  i been happy during that months...i learn to love him...and the feelings become stronger and deeper...there were times am missing him when his so busy and we cant talk online..i feel something missing then...something important...

its not just his not always around and the fact that his too far from me...i keep waiting for his call and there were times i call him when i cant stand anymore...and there were times i cant help to feel jealous when i saw this site...i read those comments for him from his other online friends...i feel cheated but then i also realize i don't have a right in some ways...its part of his personal thing i cant interrupt the personal thing...

and then one day he called me in the phone... then i asked him about the girl name flower...then he admit that they had relationship..and the worse part was he mention that the girl come first in his life and he trust her...i feel tearing apart in that moment and confused...i feel as if he dumb me...and cheated.... 

then one day i realize that maybe his not for me..and when we talk again we fought...i told him what i really feel and i learn that am not scared to loss him and face the fact that i can survive without him...yes i learn to love him...but i also learn that i cant force the i love so i set him free...and the moment i set him free i feel alive again...and few days later he come back to ask a for second chance...that he cant live without me in his life...i gave in but the shield stay in my heart...

its not just am afraid to give him all my heart...its just i want to love him in the way i can preserve my heart as well...so if time will come he have to go again or i have to set him free AGAIN...its not so hurt anymore... 

My Best Friend

so, he still smiles, he still holds my hand twinning fingers together. I love him and what can I say? I always will. We have shared moments together at movies when he puts him arm around me and i snuggle in to his chest. I play with my fingers and he smells my hair. "mmmm" he always says. he loves the smell of my hair he says that it smells like me. He loves me for me. Including my awkwardness, clumsiness and even stubborness because he knows that he can always count on me no matter where we are. I think that he loves me too. from afar he watches me ever so over protective and ever so caring. he walk me too class, holding my hand as we go pushing everyone out of the way as we go. Does he love me? 

The one that got away...

The first time I really noticed him, when he stepped out of the shadows and into the spotlight, so to speak, he was dressed as Mr Darcy. Enough said.

I never had a chance.

It was two years before I noticed him again. I was in my senior year of highschool and taking advance level English. There were only two other students in my year at the same level, so rather than hold classes we had several one-on-one sessions a week. He was my teacher.

I lived for those sessions, I couldn't get enough of his brilliance and for the first time I found someone I could talk to at my level. We never really got around to the English. We just talked.

He'd read every 19th century romance novel worth reading. He loved Shakespeare, Dickens, Coleridge. We talked about my boyfriend troubles, my life, his life, politics, religion, there was barely a stone left unturned.

I've never met anyone so poetic. It was like stepping back a hundred years and meeting one of those reserved, gentleman-types you see in movies.

When I heard he was engaged I congratulated him but secretly hoped it would fail. They'd broken up once before, maybe it would happen again. 

Sometimes I just didn't know what he was thinking. We'd have research nights where we'd just sit and chat, and he'd come and make banal conversation just for the sake of it, while the other students studied. I always felt like it was bordering on inappropriate, I could feel the lightning bolts but never knew if he could. It just seemed a little too close for someone getting married.

He invited me to the wedding, and I sat there in the church, next to my boyfriend, wishing it was me he was waiting for at the altar.

That was a year ago.

Now I'm not looking for lightning bolts, I don't mind who I end up with because it doesn't matter anymore. Because it won't be him. But I'll always wish it was.

Rose in Spanish Harlem picked up by a shadow-man

Her name is Elenore.  Liked by all, she exuded confidence and loyalty.  If she could help you,she would be there for you.  When she looked at you and smiled, the natural laws of physics seemed to go haywire. Through some arcane method, I would feel that I was floating along in her glorious wake, my heart beating like a train engine in my frail chest.

By the time I realized she was walking into the foyer of her building, the spell would break and I would stand there in abject misery listening to noisy streets  of the barrio, with its unique smells of garlic and cilantro.   If only I could tell her my feelings  What a cruel joke, I thought to myself.  What business does a loser, a shadow-man have with a winner...a queen?  I turned around and headed back with leaden feet to the Stygian depths I had a risen from.  Even the trail of tears I left behind dried in protest one by one so that in the end it would be as though I never existed.  Maybe just as well.

I leave it to you, my friend.  Should I dare to pursue the unattainable, become worthy...a King come to claim my hearts desire Do I dare HOPE?

He's my first...

So...

I'm a girl. I'm a Freshman in High School... and this is my heartache story... :(

This all started over 3 years ago. I was beginning 7th grade. I had this little crush on this one guy named Terry whom I'd known for a while. But then again, who didn't? He was beautiful. And he was infatuated with the one girl who didn't love him. But he's not the main part of this story, believe it or not...

One day, my best friend Brittany and I were sitting after school in an art club meeting. Terry was there. We were all talking casually. And then, at that exact moment, I watched as the one man whom has now stolen my heart walked through the door, interrupting my gaze on Terry.

For some reason, he was wearing a suit. Complete with a top hat and white gloves. His hair, short and blonde, contrasted greatly with Terry's black, medium length black hair. He was pale and quite mature-looking. His ears were pierced and gaged. He ran into the room randomly and put his hands on Terry's shoulders, yelling:

"TERRY! THE MATRIX NEEDS US!"

He ran off after that, only to come back a few minutes later. He then sat down next to me and explained to Terry, Brittany and I that he was dressed that way for a project that was being conducted in the cafeteria. He and Terry were beginning 8th grade. They were so... grown-up to me at the time.

The first thing he ever said to me, as I remember, was, as I was commenting on one of my favorite characters from one of my favorite video games (Vincent Valentine from Final Fantasy 7) and he commented back.

"Nooo.. Not VINCENT! Vinnie!" He said, gazing into my eyes.

The evening went by, and not another thought crossed my mind about this dear, sweet human until about a month later.

He walked into the Drama Club meeting after school. Clad in dark clothes, fit for a vampire. I then learned his name. Jeremy. Jeremy Zane Heck. A very beautiful name. He was trying out for a part. I had already gotten the leading lady's part. One of my close friends got the leading male part. Terry had gotten the part of the town mayor. And Brittany had gotten the part of his daughter. (The play is The Music Man, for curious readers. I played Marian Paroo. My friend Blaine played Harold Hill, my friend Terry played Mayor Shinn. My friend Brittany played Zaneeta Shinn. My friend Nathan played Marcellus. And a few more people got more parts.) And Jeremy was finally cast to play a certain Charlie Cowell, anvil salesman.

This didn't bother me until I found out, a few minutes later, that, apart from a kissing scene with Blaine, I had a kissing scene with JEREMY, too!

Oh no...

But, it got worse. He started dating Brittany. She would feel sad every single time Jeremy and I had to kiss on stage, in front of the school. Without her permission. It saddened me aswell.

Sometime over the Summer, though... He and Brittany split. I'm not sure of the whole story, but apparently it wasn't a good one.

Then, his appearance started changing.

The next time I saw Jeremy was a few month's later, in September. His hair had grown out, darkened into a brilliant shade of orange. His skin was becoming freckled with faint, painted orange dots. His bright blue eyes were as gorgeous as ever. He had grown. and then, I found out, he was dating my other close friend, Kelsie.

Yes, yes. They got along fine. Sure, sure. Until he made it up that he was gay to split with her so he could try to be with Brittany again.

Brittany hated him. O.o So they didn't work out. And then he didn't have anywhere to turn.

At this point, it's almost two years later. Kelsie's now a proud lesbian, Brittany doesn't care. Jeremy's suicidal because of problems at home and with his relationships. And then, heaven only knows how or why, we started talking again.

Thank God for MySpace.

He would talk to me late at night. Now being the time I was late in my 8th grade year. He was late in his Freshman year. It was around March or so. He would tell me things that, though I tried to deny it, would be the sweetest things any human had ever said to me. He would openly tell me he loved me. Denying it, I would consider it him joking around and say I loved him, too. I denied anyone who told me he loved me. That is, until that faithful night, In May.

We had been seeing each other more fully by then. There were events at the Middle School, such as another play Brittany and I were in (I was the lead) in which he, Nathan, and Terry came to watch. So along with talking with him online, he would follow me around and hug on me and tell me sweet things in public, too.

Then, he asked me on a date about a week after Summer started. We went to the movies, and ate some ice-cream. It was blissful. I still denied any feelings he had towards me. We had a fun day and he called me later on in the day, asking me if I'd had fun. I, of course, said yes. He asked me if I'd want to do it again sometime. I, of course, said yes.

So, one night, he messaged me.

He asked for advice about a girl.

I told him, with straight honesty, I'd have to know who it was before I gave him any advice.

There was a LONG SILENCE...

Then, he finally replied, saying it was me... and that he'd loved me for a long time and was wanting to know how I'd react.

I told him I honestly liked him a bit too.

We didn't talk for two days.

I went to Nathan's house to watch some old videos from my 8th grade graduation (in which he and Jeremy had attened) and other stuff from the Summer so far. I decided to call Jeremy. We talked, the three of us, for a few minutes, and then I had to leave.

A day later, I gathered the courage to ask him to be my boyfriend. Mostly because I knew he was afraid of some type of rejection and I wanted to make it as easy on him as possible. I got online, He was on.

He immediatly messaged me. Saying Hi. I then, after a few messages, asked if I could be his girlfriend. He said of course. He also said that he was just about to ask me, but, to my suspicion, was afraid. I giggled a bit at that and went to sleep happily as he wrote me notes, wishing me sweet dreams and love.

We didn't talk for most of the Summer. I was too busy getting closer to Terry and Nathan, who had both changed a lot. Terry's black hair had grown and he had then become one of my closest friends. Nathan had grown and become another close friend. Plus, I was in another play. I was in Sweeney Todd, playing the role of Tobias. The only two people who came to see me in the play besides my family were Terry and Nathan. No one else.

Plus, Jeremy was having more family and depression issues. And I didn't wish to intrude.

But, as my Freshman year (this year) and HIS Sophmore year started back up again, we got a lot closer. We started going places together, being alone. We talked a lot. We shared a lot. We started getting a lot closer. At some point, I really understood: I loved him.

He asked me to marry him and run away with him. Three times.

I said yes all three times.

We talked constantly. I couldn't bare to go home at the end of the day, because I knew I'd have to wait until the next day at school to hold him. Unless I could stop that pain somehow.

We loved each other. 'Nuff said.

There's no way to describe my love for him. I still want to spend the rest of my life with him. He gave me his vest and told me to never give it back. He said to me constantly that I was the only thing keeping him alive. That I was his world. That he loved me. I would retort with the same thing. And then, sometimes errily, we'd recite:

"Forever and Always"

As a toast to our love.

We started getting a little sexual. We weren't ready to lose our virginity just yet, but we got close enough a few times.

I gave him a total of about four blowjobs. He fingered me at least five times.

We told each other we'd lose ourselves to each other. We promised that.

But, at some point here, after 7 months of a strong, healthy, loving relationship, his depression got worse.

He lost love. He lost faith in life. He didn't want to live any longer. Not even for me.

He told me that a week and a half ago.

We stayed together.

Until yesterday.

He told me he'd had enough. He said he was going to try to get his head on straight, that he loved me, thanks for caring, and said he'd come back to me.

Today at school, he came in at lunch. We didn't even look at each other. I've spent my last week crying over him. Worrying about him. Screaming over him. Dying over him.

Nathan and Terry. My two best friends. They've kept me, through these days of pain and hatred, from killing myself. From harming myself any more than I have.

Nathan said today, Jeremy cried on him over me.

Terry, all he did was sit there, hold me, and let me cry on him.

A new acquaintance, my friend Steven, told Jeremy off today. I came around the corner and watched it unfold, crying into the chests of anyone who would hold me.

And then, as Jeremy refused to look at me when Steven pointed me out, I remembered a picture I'd drawn for him two days ago. Of us. I reached out a shaking hand, much to the disbelief of everyone around, and poked Jeremy on the shoulder. He slowly turned towards me. I handed him the note, whispering, almost incoherently:

"This is from Tuesday.."

And then, I turned and cried into another person who would be willing to hold me. Jeremy took it, very hesitantly as he read the words YOU ARE MY EVERYTHING printed on the back of the note.

He stared at me. I refused to look at him. When I did, he was staring at me with those eyes. Eyes of guilt and pain. I was screaming in the hallway, wanting so badly to reach out and touch him. To cry into him. To tell him I couldn't live without him.

Why I didn't? I have no idea.

But... tomorrow's always another day...

He might come back... I don't know...

I can only pray...

I need him...

He's everything to me. :(

I need to feel his lips against mine.

I need to know I can ease his pain.

I need to teach him what its like to be like me right now.

I need to talk to him.

I need to hold him.

I can only hope he'll be at school tomorrow. So I can gather the courage to do that.

So I can breathe the scent from his vest in and gather the strength to not cry as I apologize. As I beg for him to come back into my life. Now.

I need him.

I love him.

I'm holding out for him.

Jeremy Zane Heck is my everything!!!!

Against all odds love story

My family against with my boyfriend because the fact that he had a son for about 4 yrs old now and he is not a college graduate..

but i help him to prove that we can raise a family in our own and help him to stand up and prove yourself to my family and my relatives.

now.... im working in a call center and i help him! on this coming semester, he will studying for at least 2 yrs because were now 23 years old so its not good to study for about 4 yrs..

by the way we were classmates way back 4th year high school.. after graduation, he had a gf. in fact when the girl was pregnant and the dad was him, the girl have the first baby.. so basically the 2nd baby was came to my bf part.... but then my bf fight for their love because his family dont agree to the girl. but since the 2nd baby was born and he is the dad, they don't have the choice... so after 3 years of marriage, he found out that the girl have a textmate and that is one of their neighbor. that time he was sick, he confronted the girl while they were going to sleep and girl admitted that issue. so the girl leave their house but the baby still with him..

now the girl is pregnant again for the 3rd time and with another guy..

now the baby is 4 yrs old as what i mentioned, and the baby was with them for about 1 month and then 1 month to her mother but when the baby reach the 7th birthday, the baby will stayed them for their whole life...

when i was on 4th yr college, i heard the news that one of our friends was died. so i visit the on the last wake and he was there! that time most of our friends get my # for the communication again. and that is the start of our relationship. that he had a new gf but as usual the family of the girl don't like my bf. and the girl was really strict. we were textmates then all of the sudden fell in love... we enter the relationship and i know the fact that he still commited with this girl and i know that its only a game for me and he was hungry for the real love that her gf cannot give.

but then their relationship was ended because the girl used my bf to revenge with his bf and their doing ok so we continue our relationship until now...

after he graduated 2 yrs form now, and get the job to his brother that was currently working in a marketing department, he told me that for about 1 year that he's working, we were getting married. that is why he kept studying to prove my parents.

i know its not right to pay for all his tuition fees and every stuff in school. the family of my bf is not a wealthy family not like ours... that is why my mom not vote for my bf but i still fight for him. my dad buy me a car after i graduated from college and my dad really like me among my brother and sisters. my mom did not mentioned to my dad about my bf that is why my mom always

says that i need to ended up my relationship before my dad know it and take away the car from me.. my parents start unwealthy family first when they got married but my father was hard working that is why they can give all that i want. i told it to my mom,, i dont want to start a family in an easy way... i want to start a family like them that they start form the scratch then finally they got what they want.

that is what i want! first start form the scratch then accompanied with hard working then success!

A Little Love from Me to Everyone

To all the people who had their hearts touched by that special someone,

To all the people who had their hearts broken,

To all the people who believe in the silver lining after the storm,

this is a poem dedicated to you:

Stay ALiVe

Bravery,

Reason to live the next moment

Love, be Loved.

See the world.

Make a Change.

Give.

Spirit.

Energy.

Smile

Lonely without you

I meet the love of my life 3 years ago. Me and the girls where going on a vacation to the Big Apple. I was just coming out of a 11 year relationship and meeting someone was the last thing from my mind. That was until I saw him and right then I knew nothing would ever be the same.

We were in New York for 1 week, and that's all it took. We walked down the streets of  Manhattan holding hand, then he bought me a dozen roses from a flower stand it was like a fairtail. At the end of the week he decided to take a week off of work to come back to Kentucky with me. He never went back to New York.

I wish that was the end and we lived happy ever after, but there's more of the story to tell. I didn't mention that the love of my life was born in Mexico, and was here illegally. He was caught driving a car with out a license and was arrested then 3 months later he was deported back to Mexico.

None of that matter to me. I would move to Mexico if it meet we would be together. I just want to have my life back. I had everything planned out. We would live on the boarder, that way I could work in Texas and my son could go to school there. I sold everything we owned and packed up my son and I and headed for Mexico. This is when things went down hill.

I thought finding a job would be easy I've never had trubble befor (I left behind a really good job). Here was the problem I don't speak spanish and you have to inorder to get a job in a boardertown. The other problem was you have to pay to cross the boarder everyday (taking my son to school) and this is hard when your only income is 500 pescos (50 dollars) a week. Eventually the little bit of money we had saved from sell our stuff ran out, and when I no longer had the money to take my son to school my mother bought us a bus ticket to come home. So i had to say good-bye once again.

It's been one year since I left him and the only thing that keeps me going is the thought of being with him again. My plann is to go back this January and get on with my life. I think I have thought out everything this time. We are all ready to be together for ever.  So if you would please say a prayier for my family.