Chased by the ghost of yesterday past

Yesterday when i was 16 years old, now 33,i fell for a young boy 18, that now is 35 and now is my ex-husband too,he was my fantasy come true. See when i was 16 and before i met my night in shining armor i had a beautiful baby boy, i got pregnant at 15. I was ashamed of me not my son.I felt bad and lost but when i met him, that guy, that float when he walked with a angel face and a tongue that could not tell a lie and that except me and my child and never looked at me out of a judging eye, i was enthralled by this and never new what hit me from their he took my breathe away. He gave me something that i should of gave him, he's virginity, but he told me this after the fact. I told him if he would of told me that before the fact  I would of never laid with him because i felt that he should share his first time with someone that was as pure as him.,he reassured me that he thought it out and new i was the one to share this sacrifice of love with I felt blessed by his reasoning and he made it easier to excepted. Al thought I was young when I had a baby  I loved the lord but guilt and shame made it hard  for me to hold my head up but  I decided to go back to church even if that meant giving up my night and shining armour. One day I felt it was time to tell him that I made the choice to go back to GOD even if that meant losing him, but much to my surprise he was where i was at, a cross road of decision in our life to do the right thing so I joined his church and enjoyed every minute of it I was feeling better about my life. This young man love me so much that he never wanted me out of his sight my mother told me something was wrong with this picture but i reassured her it was because he loved me so much, how young dumb. I married him because it was the right thing to do in the sight of GOD! I was 18 and he was 20 when we got married. things got worse he began to accuse me of cheating even with people in the church making scene OH by the way i became with child again at 17 this is one of the factor why we got married and also i loved him but my night in shining Armour drained my youth  broke me down and left me for another young lady  and got married to her, told me i was no longer his soul mate before they got married the day he decide to call me up on the phone and make me aware of him leaving me for her we had our problems but i always felt we could work Thur anything i was wrong he walked out my life march 12 1995. Sometimes he will try to see whats going on in my life in his own way. I have gone on with my life and had another beautiful child that has added to my life but still at times i can feel the same hurt like  when he walked out my life for the first time with such hate and disregard  for what i Thought we shared together I never regret for marrying him i just regret for how it turned out, but life has gone on for me and him but at times not the hurt, DEC15,2008