Hopeless soul

Bitch whore slut..that's what my ex called me .i loved him with all my heart but he kept hurting me time and time again. he always accused me of cheating and after months i finally gathered enough courage to breakup with him.i cried the first couple of days thinking i was foolish thinking he'd change back to when we were in love..3 weeks after my horrible experience with my ex, my 6th grade crush hit me up saying he couldn't hold it in anymore he liked me alot and eventhough its been months since i've seem him ,he stilll feels and thinks of me the same. hes words were so sweet ,things i havven't heard in so long, i was vonerable and started going out with him..im a week into our relationship and i have no desire to love him, i can't, my ex took all i had and now im just living a lie, telling my current boyfriend i love him when i don't .dont get me wrong im trying to find something to adore him for but i can't.  im just a lost soul.. its funny though, my ex stalks me now and says he regrets all that he has done and loves me.. 

L0ve is blind

There was a blind guy who hate himself because of being blind.He hate everyone except his girlfriend.One day the guy said that if he can only see the world he will marry his gf.One day someone donate eyes to him and den he saw everything including his gf.His gf asked him.Now that u can see,will u marry me? The guy was shocked when he saw that his gf is also blind.And he refuse to marry her.His gf walk away with tears and said"just take care of my eyes"

Dreams do come True!

In my disco days i was told by the gossipping crowd at school and by a mutual friend that this older boy liked me...

i only being a young teenage was flattered and began to think of this boy in a different more appealing light and imagined us as a couple and got way to far ahead of myself as my imagination ran away with the thoughts of my first real love!our mutual friend john had said Darren (the boy) had mentioned me ages ago so i soon persuaded myself that it was just a whim and that it couldn't possibly still think this ,being the UN-confident teenager i once was......so when a disco came around that we were both going to i just disregarded that i had ever heard of his lust for me and when on in being my mad bubbly self ....when i was in the middle of a full on dance session with my girls(we have all done it) john came up to me after greeting me with a life threateningly tight hug said..........."i have a surprise for you" ..........me being my ditsy self said"oh i love surprises! so we walked, well skipped  over to a corner of the night club............and standing there was Darren looking nervous and awkward yet striking!my heart had just about caught up with the new events and it took off into a sprint and i swear it would have won any race!!Realising John had transformed into Cupid minus the giant nappy i gave him a threatening stare but i couldn't mask the sheer excitement in my eyes as they glistened at the memory of my dream!Cupid slyly danced of clearly delighted with the nights work and i was left standing there across from the achingly handsome boy!He stood there slouched in a cool lay-ed back way which made me go weak at the nobly knees.His shaggy brown hair  was whipped back in a messily gorgeous fashion! His chocolate brown eyes pierced me! they were like a bee to honey,like a moth to a flame.I briefly wondered if he was really staring at my lips are did that only happen in the movies??WE stood staring at each other spaced apart as if a deep black hole divided us!i was left forgetting how to move, to speak or even breath.But my body soon remembered what to do and he set into motion just as i did it was as if a horn had started a race!We swiftly  inhabited the no mans land between us and were once again still in a time stopping stare! neither one of us wanting to break first.UN-knowingly we have moved within inches of each other!we stood inches away from each other i could feel his cool breath on my skin.We just stood there not in an awkward way just as if taking in this fairy tale moment.Darren then let out a groan and reached for me!he held me in a tight embrace as we gently kissed.i completely turned to mush.while still in our enchanting embrace he slow turned me around so i could rest my  back against the wall and lean my weight there.he moved one hand to the wall beside my face and kept the other in a light grip around my waist.The kissing was soft and gently but filled with  Passion which felt like it had been bottled up just waiting for this moment.My arms hung around his neck as we kiss for the rest of the night in the corner  as my dream unfolded .

A choir for our love

About ten or so years ago in St Paul. My future to be wife and I, who had been spending a lot of time together, realized that we had fallen in love. We happened to be together one day doing something I can't remember.

One of us suggested a walk in the park. We hopped in her van and drove to a park nearby us in East St Paul.

When we arrived there was a school bus and a sign reading something to the effect of "Hmong christian choir." The choir was gathered together under the parks permanent large gazebo area. I was a little disappointed by this as it was lightly raining and I was hoping we could find a little shelter under it and be alone at the same time. Instead we went for a walk around the paved path that led around the park. We stopped by a stream that ran through the park and watched fish swim about for a short while and then headed off to a more secluded spot.

When we were comfortably alone we stepped off the path into the trees and bushes and proceeded to embrace and exchange deep passionate kisses and "I love yous." We were still young, quite clearly in love, embracing each other alone among the trees in a park on a lightly rainy and lightly foggy day. It was cold enough to see your breath a little and it gave us a great excuse to embrace and keep each other warm. This was new love.

So imagine the situation. Young, in love, in a light rain, on a light foggy Grey day, alone in a park, embracing each other, kissing deeply and exchanging heart felt compliments and endearments.

And in the background a choir singing church songs.

It really was pretty.

One not so GREAT LOVE

I was young, silly, naughty but innocent.. during my high school days I'm not like any other students who do their homework's and study during week nights. i usually go out with my older buddies and hang around the park and get drunk. . but yes! i got my high school diploma! then on college i always got to school late,no homework's done.then i dropped out and find myself back home again. finally! no school! nothing to do but hang out with myself and do what i want..

till sembreak came! when my best friend VINCE was with this sexy beautiful girl.. i was just 17 back then and she was 21.. my best friend introduced us.. and when i got her name i snapped! and shouted what!! (she was ANGEL the girlfriend of my bro's friend) then i asked them does Chris know? they answered maybe.. we don't care cause he doesn't even care that were together everynight. (WOW)

the sembreak was like 2weeks i think. we party everynight,drink and have fun. one night i was with VINCE and ANGEL and vince got his self so drunk and i noticed that angel was flirting with me.. i really didn't care. when i got home, i went straight to bed but then my phone rang.. it was angel.from then on everytime my phone rang i know it would be her calling.

one afternoon vince visited me at home.. asking if i heard about MARY (his ex girlfriend)because he saw her. then i called up mary and asked her if she wanted to go out with vince again.. they did go out . but then angel called and said that i need to help her with something but we end up in watching a movie . after the movie we saw vince and mary holding hands. angel cried but then smiled and said i wanna get drunk! so lets go and have a night out! i was fine with it! all expenses paid when I'm with her.we got really drunk,i brought her home and led her to our guest room when she accidentally puke on the bed and on her dress so i have no choice and brought her to my room and i let her borrow a t-shirt. i was so scared i don't even know why.. i was waiting for her to fell asleep before i lye down. i was so nervous when i felt her hugging me.. i was thinking, I'm a guy and every guy would want to be in my place right now... we kissed and she told me that she loves me.. i stood up and went out of the room and i fell asleep outside her door. she waked me up and told me goodmorning babe, i better go.. and kissed me.

i thought to myself why not play with the fire? behind that angel name she had the hots for me..and got 2 boyfriend 3 including me.. so i took a bath and went to vince and told him everything.. i ask permission to date her and apologize coz i, too! had the hots for her. vince and her broke up an hour after. i decided to go with the flow.. chris now knows that i was angels other new boy friend. but still was ok with it. me and angel talk a lot not just about us but we talk about everything she was a package deal for me, a hot girlfriend,a best friend, a mother, a lover and a banker. she gives me everything i want.

one night, we fought about what i wanted for her to wear.we broke up just because of that stupid little fight. she left me. at first i was okie.. i was fine with it.. i got out and got drunk i kept on calling her but there was no answer.i finally realized i loved her so much.

tomorrow came, still no answer.. i got the guts to go to her house and saw her with chris she told me its his time now, dont worry ill call u tonight.. the whole world came crushing down on me.. i was suppose to feel numb about it coz i already knew about it.but i was hurt. we talked things over and begged her to leave him because he's just palying with her and she stood and told me like you! you were just playing with me and end up loving me its just like that. I LIKE YOU but I LOVE HIM. i shared her with chris for a year and we were together for 2yrs only.. and dumped me for a boy who she just met online. SHE WAS EVERYTHING to me.. im now 21 yrs old,and she now has a baby boy.. but im still in love with her. lesson learned???? :nah!!!

-for my DAMNED ANGEL

-from you worst nytmare

One sided love

Everyday for the past month I have told myself what an idiot I am. The reason why I'm an idiot is because of myself. I have made myself the idiot I am today. I dated this guy for almost 2 years. He was my first love. While we were dating I let others influence me into thinking that he wasn't a good boyfriend when in reality it was me who wasn't being a good girlfriend. He loved me the way that I love him now, 3 years later. 

We both immediately started dating someone else when we broke up. I loved the guy I dated, but he just wasn't my first love. I think however the girl he dated he was madly in love with and still is. I think he is in love with the way she looks though not her personality. Her personality is definitely lacking! Then again, sometimes I think that is why I'm in love with him still. 

I have tried so hard to get over him, it's been almost five years of loving him. When I think about him I literally start aching. I want to be with him so bad. Well, after almost 3 years not really talking to each other, we went to a party together with some mutual friends and bam that night had sex. I could not have been more happy, confused, or hurt. I tried to talk to him about it but he was kind of hesitant (he's a bad talker anyway). He said he's trying to get his life together right now (which I believe because he really needs to!) and that he could see me as his wife not a girlfriend. I kind of took that as a lame ass excuse to turn me down gently. I feel like a dumbass. Now every time he comes in town we hang out and I stay at his house every time. Sometimes stuff happens and sometimes it doesn't. I just want to know what is going on and why I can't let go. I want to try, but then again I really don't want to cry because we make a perfect match. 

Last weekend we went to a party and all the guys were flirting with me and he kept trying to get my attention. What is that all about? I feel like I love him waaaaaay more than he does. He used to love me that way. He told me he doesn't love his ex anymore, but he has the same symptoms as me about him. 

I am so confused and all I think about is him. I want to feel like he loves me back. I want him to want me. 

My Immortal Love

Because I get excited too much at times I'm jumping into conclusion already, which is really not right. well I entitled my story as My Immortal Love(supposedly Not Another Jeff in my Life or Not another Jeff Story) because I've fallen for too many Jeff already and the thing is this one, "OUR" story really differs from the other Jeff's of my life...this may get you bored or make you yawn as you continue reading but I wish that you'll like this cause somehow, in some case you'll see yourself relating on my story.

Jeff and I met on this Cell phone Christian Chat site like I think almost two years ago already (I won't say the site name anymore to protect myself of course, haha) he buzz on me asking my ASL, and I was like talking to 6 or more unknown people back then but I still manage to greet him and answered his question (21-F-N.E) what abt. ur ASL? den he answered (M-21-Pampangga) so after that question we conversed on more sensible things (He's the most sensible guy that I've spoken with that day and I was too...haha) then afterward we are like chatting everyday for like three days until I think he was the one who ask for my number first and I asked for his number too. I was looking forward on him texting me but he didn't so I texted him first the very next morning and there you go we become text mates (cheap huh? no it's cool actually...and sweet) we became friends as time passes by and until five moths ago we really became like best buddies though we haven't seen each other yet. He’s like telling me his problem with regards of his GIRLFRIEND. yes he's got girlfriend (that took me some time to re-manage my feelings because as I have said on my very first line I've become a conclusionist that I have misinterpreted the way he talks on his messages but I manage to gather my shits again and talks like a modest damsel and become a lending ear and a crying shoulder for him, yup a martyr...put a bullet on my head, shoot me!) since then on I enjoyed replying his messages day and night every minute of the day as every seconds counts as my wall clock ticks, he become my addiction, something like a drug that you'll get used to...very addictive...I rushed every time I hear my phone beeps, hoping that I'll see his name on it (JEFF-1 new message)I was like giggling so happily. He's got a problem on her girl's mom though...I don't know the reason why the girl’s mom hates him so much that she even calls Jeff threatening and scolding him and saying hurtful things to him like "LEAVE MY FUCKING GIRL ALONE, YOU DON'T DESERVE HER GET LOST!" (of course I added up some line to make it more mean...haha) he recorded the whole call and after the mother ended the call he texted me and tell me the whole story, I was like so sad after hearing it, cause I won't like my mom scolding my man, who would want that right? that would be MEAN right? So two weeks ago I was so happy because we are like texting non-stop hahaha...I even dreamed of him the whole week I don't know why but I did. And guess what after wards the girl texted me, actually she had texted me before and was like so mad at me...she's jealous at me...I mean who's girl wouldn't be if they found out that their man has another text mate right? I think maybe his man even texting more than he is texting her...hahah...cause Jeff even say that "YOU WE'RE THE ONLY REASON I AM REGISTERING FOR UNLIMITED TEXT...YOU ARE THE ONLY ONE I WAS TEXTING, I WANT TO TALK TO SOMEONE...I NEED TO...CAUSE I REALLY WANNA SCREAM RIGHT NOW" there you go...he did tell something like that and I was freaking happy, I want to sit besides him and like comfort him, that very moment I want to steal him from her (JEFF BE MINE?)...I am hurting of course...I like him so much that I even cry...I've almost completely fallen for him...I didn't mean to but I can't stop myself...though I am really trying hard up to this moment. He's so sweet, like Cudbury- I'm getting use to you. Last night we are texting up till almost 1 in the morning and we were like talking stuffs till we've end up tackling his girlfriend's jealousy on me. I was like trying to stop myself from saying "WHAT THE FUCK! ARE YOU NUMB? Do you ever think When you’re all alone All that we can be and Where this thing can go?" I was like LYING when I said "TELL YOUR GIRL THAT I WON'T STEAL YOU FROM HER" (though I really really want to grab him and like steal him from her completely!) I was crying but then I manage to adore him for still being faithful to the girl somehow I guess? And because of his S-W-E-E-T-N-E-S-S and thoughtfulness. If only you guys can read his messages I think you will also jump off of your sit just to grab you phone and gave your face a big smile after seeing his message. I don't know why, but every time I try to keep my self off of him he'll come teasing me. I've made a couple or more LOVE POETRY for him; though I've put another man's name on it but it's HIM actually...It's Jeff. I'm already hurting that's why I know I'm beginning to love again...He thought of us as SOUL MATES I've thought of him as MINE other pair of Heart. If Only you can be mine, I'll keep you in my heart forever because I may die but not my love for you which will be forever immortal.