My Best Friend

so, he still smiles, he still holds my hand twinning fingers together. I love him and what can I say? I always will. We have shared moments together at movies when he puts him arm around me and i snuggle in to his chest. I play with my fingers and he smells my hair. "mmmm" he always says. he loves the smell of my hair he says that it smells like me. He loves me for me. Including my awkwardness, clumsiness and even stubborness because he knows that he can always count on me no matter where we are. I think that he loves me too. from afar he watches me ever so over protective and ever so caring. he walk me too class, holding my hand as we go pushing everyone out of the way as we go. Does he love me? 

The one that got away...

The first time I really noticed him, when he stepped out of the shadows and into the spotlight, so to speak, he was dressed as Mr Darcy. Enough said.

I never had a chance.

It was two years before I noticed him again. I was in my senior year of highschool and taking advance level English. There were only two other students in my year at the same level, so rather than hold classes we had several one-on-one sessions a week. He was my teacher.

I lived for those sessions, I couldn't get enough of his brilliance and for the first time I found someone I could talk to at my level. We never really got around to the English. We just talked.

He'd read every 19th century romance novel worth reading. He loved Shakespeare, Dickens, Coleridge. We talked about my boyfriend troubles, my life, his life, politics, religion, there was barely a stone left unturned.

I've never met anyone so poetic. It was like stepping back a hundred years and meeting one of those reserved, gentleman-types you see in movies.

When I heard he was engaged I congratulated him but secretly hoped it would fail. They'd broken up once before, maybe it would happen again. 

Sometimes I just didn't know what he was thinking. We'd have research nights where we'd just sit and chat, and he'd come and make banal conversation just for the sake of it, while the other students studied. I always felt like it was bordering on inappropriate, I could feel the lightning bolts but never knew if he could. It just seemed a little too close for someone getting married.

He invited me to the wedding, and I sat there in the church, next to my boyfriend, wishing it was me he was waiting for at the altar.

That was a year ago.

Now I'm not looking for lightning bolts, I don't mind who I end up with because it doesn't matter anymore. Because it won't be him. But I'll always wish it was.

Rose in Spanish Harlem picked up by a shadow-man

Her name is Elenore.  Liked by all, she exuded confidence and loyalty.  If she could help you,she would be there for you.  When she looked at you and smiled, the natural laws of physics seemed to go haywire. Through some arcane method, I would feel that I was floating along in her glorious wake, my heart beating like a train engine in my frail chest.

By the time I realized she was walking into the foyer of her building, the spell would break and I would stand there in abject misery listening to noisy streets  of the barrio, with its unique smells of garlic and cilantro.   If only I could tell her my feelings  What a cruel joke, I thought to myself.  What business does a loser, a shadow-man have with a winner...a queen?  I turned around and headed back with leaden feet to the Stygian depths I had a risen from.  Even the trail of tears I left behind dried in protest one by one so that in the end it would be as though I never existed.  Maybe just as well.

I leave it to you, my friend.  Should I dare to pursue the unattainable, become worthy...a King come to claim my hearts desire Do I dare HOPE?

He's my first...

So...

I'm a girl. I'm a Freshman in High School... and this is my heartache story... :(

This all started over 3 years ago. I was beginning 7th grade. I had this little crush on this one guy named Terry whom I'd known for a while. But then again, who didn't? He was beautiful. And he was infatuated with the one girl who didn't love him. But he's not the main part of this story, believe it or not...

One day, my best friend Brittany and I were sitting after school in an art club meeting. Terry was there. We were all talking casually. And then, at that exact moment, I watched as the one man whom has now stolen my heart walked through the door, interrupting my gaze on Terry.

For some reason, he was wearing a suit. Complete with a top hat and white gloves. His hair, short and blonde, contrasted greatly with Terry's black, medium length black hair. He was pale and quite mature-looking. His ears were pierced and gaged. He ran into the room randomly and put his hands on Terry's shoulders, yelling:

"TERRY! THE MATRIX NEEDS US!"

He ran off after that, only to come back a few minutes later. He then sat down next to me and explained to Terry, Brittany and I that he was dressed that way for a project that was being conducted in the cafeteria. He and Terry were beginning 8th grade. They were so... grown-up to me at the time.

The first thing he ever said to me, as I remember, was, as I was commenting on one of my favorite characters from one of my favorite video games (Vincent Valentine from Final Fantasy 7) and he commented back.

"Nooo.. Not VINCENT! Vinnie!" He said, gazing into my eyes.

The evening went by, and not another thought crossed my mind about this dear, sweet human until about a month later.

He walked into the Drama Club meeting after school. Clad in dark clothes, fit for a vampire. I then learned his name. Jeremy. Jeremy Zane Heck. A very beautiful name. He was trying out for a part. I had already gotten the leading lady's part. One of my close friends got the leading male part. Terry had gotten the part of the town mayor. And Brittany had gotten the part of his daughter. (The play is The Music Man, for curious readers. I played Marian Paroo. My friend Blaine played Harold Hill, my friend Terry played Mayor Shinn. My friend Brittany played Zaneeta Shinn. My friend Nathan played Marcellus. And a few more people got more parts.) And Jeremy was finally cast to play a certain Charlie Cowell, anvil salesman.

This didn't bother me until I found out, a few minutes later, that, apart from a kissing scene with Blaine, I had a kissing scene with JEREMY, too!

Oh no...

But, it got worse. He started dating Brittany. She would feel sad every single time Jeremy and I had to kiss on stage, in front of the school. Without her permission. It saddened me aswell.

Sometime over the Summer, though... He and Brittany split. I'm not sure of the whole story, but apparently it wasn't a good one.

Then, his appearance started changing.

The next time I saw Jeremy was a few month's later, in September. His hair had grown out, darkened into a brilliant shade of orange. His skin was becoming freckled with faint, painted orange dots. His bright blue eyes were as gorgeous as ever. He had grown. and then, I found out, he was dating my other close friend, Kelsie.

Yes, yes. They got along fine. Sure, sure. Until he made it up that he was gay to split with her so he could try to be with Brittany again.

Brittany hated him. O.o So they didn't work out. And then he didn't have anywhere to turn.

At this point, it's almost two years later. Kelsie's now a proud lesbian, Brittany doesn't care. Jeremy's suicidal because of problems at home and with his relationships. And then, heaven only knows how or why, we started talking again.

Thank God for MySpace.

He would talk to me late at night. Now being the time I was late in my 8th grade year. He was late in his Freshman year. It was around March or so. He would tell me things that, though I tried to deny it, would be the sweetest things any human had ever said to me. He would openly tell me he loved me. Denying it, I would consider it him joking around and say I loved him, too. I denied anyone who told me he loved me. That is, until that faithful night, In May.

We had been seeing each other more fully by then. There were events at the Middle School, such as another play Brittany and I were in (I was the lead) in which he, Nathan, and Terry came to watch. So along with talking with him online, he would follow me around and hug on me and tell me sweet things in public, too.

Then, he asked me on a date about a week after Summer started. We went to the movies, and ate some ice-cream. It was blissful. I still denied any feelings he had towards me. We had a fun day and he called me later on in the day, asking me if I'd had fun. I, of course, said yes. He asked me if I'd want to do it again sometime. I, of course, said yes.

So, one night, he messaged me.

He asked for advice about a girl.

I told him, with straight honesty, I'd have to know who it was before I gave him any advice.

There was a LONG SILENCE...

Then, he finally replied, saying it was me... and that he'd loved me for a long time and was wanting to know how I'd react.

I told him I honestly liked him a bit too.

We didn't talk for two days.

I went to Nathan's house to watch some old videos from my 8th grade graduation (in which he and Jeremy had attened) and other stuff from the Summer so far. I decided to call Jeremy. We talked, the three of us, for a few minutes, and then I had to leave.

A day later, I gathered the courage to ask him to be my boyfriend. Mostly because I knew he was afraid of some type of rejection and I wanted to make it as easy on him as possible. I got online, He was on.

He immediatly messaged me. Saying Hi. I then, after a few messages, asked if I could be his girlfriend. He said of course. He also said that he was just about to ask me, but, to my suspicion, was afraid. I giggled a bit at that and went to sleep happily as he wrote me notes, wishing me sweet dreams and love.

We didn't talk for most of the Summer. I was too busy getting closer to Terry and Nathan, who had both changed a lot. Terry's black hair had grown and he had then become one of my closest friends. Nathan had grown and become another close friend. Plus, I was in another play. I was in Sweeney Todd, playing the role of Tobias. The only two people who came to see me in the play besides my family were Terry and Nathan. No one else.

Plus, Jeremy was having more family and depression issues. And I didn't wish to intrude.

But, as my Freshman year (this year) and HIS Sophmore year started back up again, we got a lot closer. We started going places together, being alone. We talked a lot. We shared a lot. We started getting a lot closer. At some point, I really understood: I loved him.

He asked me to marry him and run away with him. Three times.

I said yes all three times.

We talked constantly. I couldn't bare to go home at the end of the day, because I knew I'd have to wait until the next day at school to hold him. Unless I could stop that pain somehow.

We loved each other. 'Nuff said.

There's no way to describe my love for him. I still want to spend the rest of my life with him. He gave me his vest and told me to never give it back. He said to me constantly that I was the only thing keeping him alive. That I was his world. That he loved me. I would retort with the same thing. And then, sometimes errily, we'd recite:

"Forever and Always"

As a toast to our love.

We started getting a little sexual. We weren't ready to lose our virginity just yet, but we got close enough a few times.

I gave him a total of about four blowjobs. He fingered me at least five times.

We told each other we'd lose ourselves to each other. We promised that.

But, at some point here, after 7 months of a strong, healthy, loving relationship, his depression got worse.

He lost love. He lost faith in life. He didn't want to live any longer. Not even for me.

He told me that a week and a half ago.

We stayed together.

Until yesterday.

He told me he'd had enough. He said he was going to try to get his head on straight, that he loved me, thanks for caring, and said he'd come back to me.

Today at school, he came in at lunch. We didn't even look at each other. I've spent my last week crying over him. Worrying about him. Screaming over him. Dying over him.

Nathan and Terry. My two best friends. They've kept me, through these days of pain and hatred, from killing myself. From harming myself any more than I have.

Nathan said today, Jeremy cried on him over me.

Terry, all he did was sit there, hold me, and let me cry on him.

A new acquaintance, my friend Steven, told Jeremy off today. I came around the corner and watched it unfold, crying into the chests of anyone who would hold me.

And then, as Jeremy refused to look at me when Steven pointed me out, I remembered a picture I'd drawn for him two days ago. Of us. I reached out a shaking hand, much to the disbelief of everyone around, and poked Jeremy on the shoulder. He slowly turned towards me. I handed him the note, whispering, almost incoherently:

"This is from Tuesday.."

And then, I turned and cried into another person who would be willing to hold me. Jeremy took it, very hesitantly as he read the words YOU ARE MY EVERYTHING printed on the back of the note.

He stared at me. I refused to look at him. When I did, he was staring at me with those eyes. Eyes of guilt and pain. I was screaming in the hallway, wanting so badly to reach out and touch him. To cry into him. To tell him I couldn't live without him.

Why I didn't? I have no idea.

But... tomorrow's always another day...

He might come back... I don't know...

I can only pray...

I need him...

He's everything to me. :(

I need to feel his lips against mine.

I need to know I can ease his pain.

I need to teach him what its like to be like me right now.

I need to talk to him.

I need to hold him.

I can only hope he'll be at school tomorrow. So I can gather the courage to do that.

So I can breathe the scent from his vest in and gather the strength to not cry as I apologize. As I beg for him to come back into my life. Now.

I need him.

I love him.

I'm holding out for him.

Jeremy Zane Heck is my everything!!!!

Against all odds love story

My family against with my boyfriend because the fact that he had a son for about 4 yrs old now and he is not a college graduate..

but i help him to prove that we can raise a family in our own and help him to stand up and prove yourself to my family and my relatives.

now.... im working in a call center and i help him! on this coming semester, he will studying for at least 2 yrs because were now 23 years old so its not good to study for about 4 yrs..

by the way we were classmates way back 4th year high school.. after graduation, he had a gf. in fact when the girl was pregnant and the dad was him, the girl have the first baby.. so basically the 2nd baby was came to my bf part.... but then my bf fight for their love because his family dont agree to the girl. but since the 2nd baby was born and he is the dad, they don't have the choice... so after 3 years of marriage, he found out that the girl have a textmate and that is one of their neighbor. that time he was sick, he confronted the girl while they were going to sleep and girl admitted that issue. so the girl leave their house but the baby still with him..

now the girl is pregnant again for the 3rd time and with another guy..

now the baby is 4 yrs old as what i mentioned, and the baby was with them for about 1 month and then 1 month to her mother but when the baby reach the 7th birthday, the baby will stayed them for their whole life...

when i was on 4th yr college, i heard the news that one of our friends was died. so i visit the on the last wake and he was there! that time most of our friends get my # for the communication again. and that is the start of our relationship. that he had a new gf but as usual the family of the girl don't like my bf. and the girl was really strict. we were textmates then all of the sudden fell in love... we enter the relationship and i know the fact that he still commited with this girl and i know that its only a game for me and he was hungry for the real love that her gf cannot give.

but then their relationship was ended because the girl used my bf to revenge with his bf and their doing ok so we continue our relationship until now...

after he graduated 2 yrs form now, and get the job to his brother that was currently working in a marketing department, he told me that for about 1 year that he's working, we were getting married. that is why he kept studying to prove my parents.

i know its not right to pay for all his tuition fees and every stuff in school. the family of my bf is not a wealthy family not like ours... that is why my mom not vote for my bf but i still fight for him. my dad buy me a car after i graduated from college and my dad really like me among my brother and sisters. my mom did not mentioned to my dad about my bf that is why my mom always

says that i need to ended up my relationship before my dad know it and take away the car from me.. my parents start unwealthy family first when they got married but my father was hard working that is why they can give all that i want. i told it to my mom,, i dont want to start a family in an easy way... i want to start a family like them that they start form the scratch then finally they got what they want.

that is what i want! first start form the scratch then accompanied with hard working then success!

A Little Love from Me to Everyone

To all the people who had their hearts touched by that special someone,

To all the people who had their hearts broken,

To all the people who believe in the silver lining after the storm,

this is a poem dedicated to you:

Stay ALiVe

Bravery,

Reason to live the next moment

Love, be Loved.

See the world.

Make a Change.

Give.

Spirit.

Energy.

Smile

Lonely without you

I meet the love of my life 3 years ago. Me and the girls where going on a vacation to the Big Apple. I was just coming out of a 11 year relationship and meeting someone was the last thing from my mind. That was until I saw him and right then I knew nothing would ever be the same.

We were in New York for 1 week, and that's all it took. We walked down the streets of  Manhattan holding hand, then he bought me a dozen roses from a flower stand it was like a fairtail. At the end of the week he decided to take a week off of work to come back to Kentucky with me. He never went back to New York.

I wish that was the end and we lived happy ever after, but there's more of the story to tell. I didn't mention that the love of my life was born in Mexico, and was here illegally. He was caught driving a car with out a license and was arrested then 3 months later he was deported back to Mexico.

None of that matter to me. I would move to Mexico if it meet we would be together. I just want to have my life back. I had everything planned out. We would live on the boarder, that way I could work in Texas and my son could go to school there. I sold everything we owned and packed up my son and I and headed for Mexico. This is when things went down hill.

I thought finding a job would be easy I've never had trubble befor (I left behind a really good job). Here was the problem I don't speak spanish and you have to inorder to get a job in a boardertown. The other problem was you have to pay to cross the boarder everyday (taking my son to school) and this is hard when your only income is 500 pescos (50 dollars) a week. Eventually the little bit of money we had saved from sell our stuff ran out, and when I no longer had the money to take my son to school my mother bought us a bus ticket to come home. So i had to say good-bye once again.

It's been one year since I left him and the only thing that keeps me going is the thought of being with him again. My plann is to go back this January and get on with my life. I think I have thought out everything this time. We are all ready to be together for ever.  So if you would please say a prayier for my family.